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My response hit home, and I saw her chew on her bottom lip like she was confused by my statement.
“Cole, I know I take care of Layla, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t lived.”
My brow bunched, and I don’t know what made me ask but I did. “All right, are you asking if I got laid, Harper?” So much for not biting, Cole.
“I wasn’t, but the speed of your question gave me the answer to that if I had.”
Her eyes darting over my shoulder and around to various points in the room, before retraining them on me, told me she was nervous but testing her boundaries.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She chuckled, “I figure the fact you thought I’d ask that kind of a question tells me it was obviously on your mind. The speed you answered tells me you’re frustrated, so no.”
“Correct. The answer is no. I never got laid, and I had no intention of doing so when I went out of this house. Could I have? Definitely, with any of the women at the beach I went to, but I bailed.”
Silence fell between us and it verged on awkward until I challenged her.
“What about you, Harper? You’re a young beautiful woman.” She dipped her eyes to the floor and her modest reaction to my compliment only made her more appealing. “You’re here with Layla all the time, and you’ve had what? One day off per week in all the time you’ve been here. When I offer time off, you always decline. Apart from school days and when Matty does some baking and other shit with Layla, you’re here twenty-four seven. When do you have time for fun… time for relationships? To get laid?” It was a fair question.
“Usually I go to the Sugar Trap bar on the other side of town and hook up. They have pretty interesting bikers over there, and those guys…” she replied fanning herself.
The Sugar Trap was known for being full of rough, hairy-assed bikers and their hos. Those guys made my previous rock star lifestyle look like Bible class.
“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” I asked with my eyebrows up in my hairline.
“Absolutely.” She chuckled and rolled onto her back on the floor; laughing so hard she was holding her sides. I have no idea why I reacted, but the next thing I knew I was down beside her, tickling her for getting a rise out of me.
Suddenly we both stopped, like my actions had only just caught up with my brain. I was astride her, staring down at my hands currently anchoring her wrists to the floor.
A look of utter shock passed between us. Her jaw gaped, but we held our gazes. I saw two things in her eyes. One, I’d turned her on, and two; she wanted… something.
Licking her lips, she writhed her body underneath me, and wriggled her wrists in my hands. I immediately let them go, stunned at what I’d done. “Fuck, sorry. It’s been a while since I had good conversation and the easy company of a beautiful woman. I forgot myself for a moment.”
Rising onto my knees, I lifted one leg over her body to join the other and sat down to the side of her.
“Fuck. I’m really sorry,” I stated again, my tone laced with frustration.
“I’m not sure why. It’s not like you did anything,” she offered in an even tone.
“Still, it was inappropriate,” I admitted.
“For a rock star? You’re kidding me, right?” she goaded, suddenly reaching up and grabbing the back of my head. Rising to meet me, she pulled me close to her face and planted a soft closed-mouthed kiss on my lips. “No, it wasn’t inappropriate, but that was.”
With the soft imprint of her lips still fresh on my mind, I shook my head, but my eyes fell to her luscious mouth and I took a deep breath.
In that moment of hesitancy my body begged to have her, to give in to my feelings for her and my heart splintered in all directions, because it wasn’t only lust I felt. There were other emotions involved. I missed Grace, but she was fading. I loved Layla, and no matter what I felt I couldn’t act on my urge for more.
As we faced each other, sharing pounding heartbeats, it felt as if we’d become suspended in time. The whole tentative equilibrium of my family life hung in the balance like a coin spinning in the air, and I wasn’t sure where it would fall… or which side it would fall on.
“We can’t, Harper…” I blurted in disappointment as I began to breathe again. I swallowed past an emotional lump in my throat when I saw the hurt, dejected look in her eyes.
“Really? Why not? I’m not stupid, Cole. Do you think I haven’t noticed how you look at me? How sometimes you adjust yourself during those moments when sparks of electricity arc between us?” Fuck.
Stunned for a moment by her honest observations, I realized how naïve I’d been to think she wouldn’t have noticed. “No crime in looking, Sweetheart.” I recognized the cocky tone from my band days. It was a cheap shot. A pause hung between us and I inhaled then sighed. “Look, you are far more precious to me than being a fuck buddy, because that’s all I can offer anyone these days. When Grace died, she took my heart with her.”
“You really think she’d want you to walk through the rest of your life like you’re waiting to die? Because you sure as shit aren’t living. It is possible to love more than one person in your life. Do you know that, Cole? Let me ask you this. If Grace were here now, would she still be attracted to you?”
My spine immediately straightened. “That’s a fucking stupid question.”
