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When my friends left, I carefully changed into pajamas, worried about jolting my ribs. Exhausted from the effort, I sat on the bed, propped on pillows. I pulled Colton’s contact number up on my phone, not sure if I should reach out to him. Something told me that telling him he wasn’t responsible for the assault wasn’t enough for a guy like him. Hailey was right. Colton’s protective streak was stronger than in any other guy I’d dated. Not being there for me had to hit him hard.
Instead of contacting him, I lay back on the bed, taking five deep breaths, then tried to clear my mind. Thoughts and images kept coming into my consciousness, the look on Colton’s face when he told me he felt responsible, the sense that I couldn’t get through to him, that he’d walk away. Each time, I gently pushed the thoughts away, focusing on my breathing.
Opening my eyes, I didn’t feel any better. Policing my thoughts was exhausting. I had to believe that Colton was doing the right thing. That he’d come back.
Otherwise, I’d start crying and never stop because I was in love with him. If he walked away, he’d break my heart.
I’d never loved someone like this. It was all-consuming. And when he wasn’t here when I needed him, it hurt. More than hitting my head on the pavement. More than that kick to my stomach.
The pain took up residence in my chest, unfurling through my body.
I wouldn’t let the guy who assaulted me stop me from walking down the street. I wouldn’t let him make me feel unsafe. I was stronger than that.
But Colton withdrawing his love? I wouldn’t survive that. Not after getting a taste of what it was like to be in his arms, cared for and loved.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
COLTON
I stopped home to change out of my uniform and get my truck. I texted my neighbor, asking her to take out Scout tonight and tomorrow morning before she left for school.
According to what I found online, Austin lived in Richmond, Virginia. That’s where he’d grown up and where his family lived. I hoped he was home because every mile I drove farther away from Remi was slowly killing me.
I thought I should wait to talk to her until after I’d figured my shit out, but on the long drive, I couldn’t help but worry that my silence was doing more damage. It was late. She was probably asleep, but I needed to reassure myself she was okay, and let her know what I was doing.
Space between us after yesterday didn’t sit right with me. Dialing her over the Bluetooth, the phone rang. When it rang again, I worried that I’d wake her.
“Hello.” Her voice filled my car, groggy.
“Hey, it’s me.”
Silence.
“I’m sorry I called so late. I didn’t want to wake you. I just needed to hear your voice.”
“That’s okay. I wanted to hear from you. I came home, thinking you might stop by.” Her voice was stronger now.
“I had to get out of town.”
There was silence for a beat before she said, “Did you say you left town?”
“Yeah, but only because I needed to talk to someone from my past.”
“I don’t understand.”
The reasoning had been running through my head all day, but she had no idea where I was coming from. “I can’t be the guy for you.”
“Colton—” Her voice was filling with disappointment.
I rushed to add, “Not unless I resolve some things in my past. This is something I have to take care of. Then I’ll come back to you.”
“How long will you be gone?” she asked softly.
I hoped she understood. “Not long. I need to talk to Austin, my friend from college.”
“Do what you need to do.”
I couldn’t tell from her tone if she was mad. “You’re not upset?”
