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"Not really, but it may have been better to wait until you were more in control of your feelings," I suggested with a smile.
"I am in control. I'd never tell someone I loved them in the height of passion and I'm not telling you this because we just slept together. I wanted desperately to say it this afternoon back at the airport, and now … Well," he shrugged, "I couldn't wait a minute longer. I don't want to do this without you knowing how I feel about you."
I was building up my courage to tell him how I felt when he frowned and spoke again.
"You're not going to tell me we're not meant to be together, not after this," he muttered, moving across me and curling his arms around my head. Any lingering resistance I felt about being with Sawyer disappeared. I knew it was no longer how I felt, and all that mattered was how we made things work. "I meant what I said, Billie. I love you."
A wave of emotions ran through me all at once, making my heart swell and my chest tighten until it felt so full, I could hardly breathe. A small voice at the back of my mind told me to hold back on my feelings, but when I looked at his expectant face I knew I needed to be honest with him. Even if we couldn't make it work, he deserved to know I felt the same.
"I think I love you too."
"Think?" he asked with a frown, brushing my bangs away from my forehead.
"I … I do. I love you more than I feel I should. I know that's not what I'm supposed to say, but this …us …this feels crazy, wild. You are like no one I've ever known before."
"Thank God. Your ex is a dick. He didn't deserve you, Billie. I knew that the first time I met you. Normally I'm not as judgmental, but sometimes I meet someone and I get this feeling … it's an instant dislike. I've never been wrong yet, and I had it with Logan."
"Ah, but I'd already told you what he did. That would have swayed your opinion."
"No, it wasn't because of that. I like to think I can rise above what someone else says. It was the whole way he disregarded your feelings and tried to belittle you in front of me that put me off." For a second, it looked as if he thought he'd said too much, and he let out a deep breath. "Anyway, how did the awesome way I ravished your body bring us back to that fuckwit?"
I chuckled. "Sorry, I think I made reference to him." Sawyer pressed his fingertips to my lips and silenced me.
"Billie, I know this is too fast for you, but I think we're supposed to be because neither wants to pass up this attraction."
"True," I conceded, taking his head between my hands and brushing my thumbs through his short soft beard.
"Let me get used to us, Sawyer. I've never wanted anything more, but I want time to know myself, to shake off these reservations I have, to …" I hesitated. "I was going to say get used to them. Your bandmates, I mean, but I'm pretty certain I'll never get used to the way they live and the comments they make, and I won't have Colby around them."
Shifting to the side, he rolled away from me and lay on his back, one hand on his torso and one hand behind his head. Letting out another long sigh, he turned his head to the side and faced me. "I know. Taking you to the bus was a crazy idea, but I work with those guys. It doesn't mean I like them."
Regarding me through narrowed eyes like he was thinking, he eventually blew out another breath and cradled my head with one hand.
"This is where I can't see our lives coming together. They're a huge part of your life. You tour how much of the year?"
"Four months, give or take," he replied. His usually bright eyes were dull with concern for what that could mean for us. I imagined his thoughts took him back to what happened with his brother and his ex. A third of a year.
"I may be overthinking, but if this gets serious, any relationship would have to be very sound to survive all that time apart." I knew he’d told me his tours lasted a few weeks at a time, but over a year the disruption could be substantial if we were to live together, and my thoughts turned to Colby.
"Stop stressing. We'll make it work," he told me, as he threaded his fingers in mine. "I'm pissed those guys couldn't hold it together today, and I can't walk away from them even after that, but I saw how uncomfortable they made you feel. I don't want you ever to feel that way on account of me. Would you rather skip the last couple of gigs and go home?"
I knew he wanted to share his music with me from the discussions we'd had about bands and music on Skype, and I guessed it must have crushed him to think I'd take him up on his offer to leave. I wanted to see him play with his band too, but I also knew that since I had arrived Sawyer's loyalties had been split and he had a job to do.
The last thing I wanted was to be a distraction, but I also knew I couldn't be around Wiggy without starting a fight between them.
"I don't want to let you down and I want to see you play," I mumbled. "I'm trying, but I need time to adjust. Perhaps I can come with you tomorrow and head home before the last show?"
"I'd love you to come and see us in action, but I get it. Those guys can be too hard to handle," he stated and sighed in resignation. Rolling onto his side again, he turned me away from him and pulled my back into his front. Spooning me tightly, he breathed a contented sigh. A smile curved on my lips. "I'm coming," I stated firmly.
"Sleep. I'm gonna need you rested by morning. I love morning sex," he mumbled playfully, as he kissed my hair and nuzzled his chin on the top of my head. As Sawyer fell asleep, I exhausted myself trying to think of an instance when Logan had considered how I felt and when he'd accepted what I wanted as readily as Sawyer did. I fell asleep before anything came to mind.
