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“You’re mad at me,” he said, trying to catch his breath. “Aren’t you?”
Her face reddened, and she panted heavily. She pressed her lips together but didn’t say anything. Fine, if she didn’t want to talk, he could communicate without words.
He reached around her, grabbing her side, but she slipped out of his arms and tackled him at the waist. The two of them fell backward. His head hit the mat, and she landed on top of him, crushing his stomach.
He groaned and threw her off.
“Oh, shoot. I’m sorry. Are you okay, Jason?”
He returned to a squatting position and glared at her. “Now you’re concerned?”
She pulled her legs to her stomach. “I wasn’t mad,” she said after a long silence.
“Lies.”
She shook her head. “Maybe mad at myself.”
He fell backward on the mat and stretched out his legs. “Okay. Why?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to say.”
“Well, then you’re teaching me the wrong things to do in a relationship because I honestly don’t know what I did wrong. Was it because I pulled my hand away? I told you I’m not sure what kind of relationship I am capable of.”
“It wasn’t that,” she said sharply.
“Then what?” He stilled, not wanting to miss a single word.
“You told Sabum you were practicing with physical touch, and I suddenly felt like an instructional piece of equipment. I was okay with it in the beginning. Heck, I even encouraged you to use me because I wanted to help test your boundaries. But the more time I spent with you, the more I started to... like you.” She dropped her head, hiding her face from him.
His mouth dropped open. “But—”
“I thought I meant more to you, and I was wrong. I’m sorry I overthought things.”
He pressed his lips together, knowing that this was a defining moment. If he said how he felt right then, there was no going back. He knew he liked her, knew he wanted to be with her. That’s why he was there, working toward proving to himself that he was capable of it. But that’s why he planned to cut emotional ties with her after that night too. He didn’t want to lead her on without being sure he could handle a relationship.
She hugged her knees to her chest and hid her face.
“When I’m with you, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. And when you leave, I worry and think about you,” he said.
She lifted her face, and he saw that familiar light in her eyes.
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
When she looked at him like that, he felt like he could do anything. “I don’t know what that means for us though, because, again, I’m not sure of what I can handle in a relationship. But I know I like you.” There, he had said it. Relief spilled over him, cleansing his desire to push her away.
A smile started on her lips. “I like you too.”
Suddenly, he wanted to hold her. Without second-guessing why or how, he reached for her and pulled her into his lap, hugging her close to him and resting his chin on her shoulder.
Instead of staying as still as she could so as not to hurt him further, she molded against him.
He reached up and moved the hair out of her face so he could see her better. “Hannah, I’ve never felt this way in my life, ever. You make me feel things I’ve only dreamed were possible.”
She looked up at him with glassy eyes. “Why do I feel like you’re planning to push me away?”
“Because until a minute ago, I was planning on it. I don’t want you to get hurt while I’m still figuring out everything.” He gingerly pressed his nose to hers and closed his eyes for a few seconds before answering. “But there’s this bigger part of me that wants you to stay near. Every touch from you is significant to me. Have you seen me hold onto anyone else the way I have to you?”
