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She laughed again, more nervously this time. Hopefully, Dean hadn’t overthought their interaction. She hurried over to him, linking an arm through his.
“Did you find some drinks?”
He handed her a Coke and then pulled his arm away. Her hands dropped to the side as she followed him wordlessly back to the front of the boat. Heavy guilt weighed on her empty stomach.
When they were alone again, she crossed her arms in front of her. “Nothing happened. We were just talking.”
Dean’s jaw tightened. He didn’t even glance in her direction. “Sure. Why not? No harm in catching up with an ex. An ex who tore your heart to shreds, but yeah, whatever.”
“My stomach hurt, and I went to the restroom to make sure I didn’t throw up again. On my way back, I saw Finn sitting by himself, and it made me sad to see him alone at his engagement party. I don’t know why Ava wasn’t with him.”
“She’s at the bar.” His voice was testy. The hot sting of guilt burned her conscience.
Something inside her wished Dean would hold her, but she didn’t dare bring it up. Since trying on wedding dresses, her emotions were on a literal seesaw. One minute she was pining for Dean, the next, avoiding her feelings. If she didn’t figure it out soon, she’d end up crushing him, and that’s the last thing she wanted.
The rest of the drive back was quiet and awkward, and when he dropped her off at her jeep with a simple goodbye, Emilie’s thoughts became even more unsettled and blurry. Somehow, she had to find a way to leave the past where it was and confront how she felt about Dean.
* * *
When she woke up the next morning, her head throbbed from lack of sleep. She had to spend more time at the studio, but despite her long list of things to do before opening day, she arrived late and left early. She stopped at Gail’s house for advice about what to do so she could sleep.
“Hey, bright eyes,” Gail said when she opened the door.
Emilie forced a smile. “Hi.”
“You’re not so cheery today. What’s going on?”
“Let’s talk about it inside.” Emilie followed Gail into the sitting room. Instead of sitting on the couch opposite Gail, Emilie slumped in an armchair. Her legs hung off one arm of the chair, arms sprawled apart.
“That bad, huh?”
Emilie hid her face with one arm and moaned. She and Gail talked about boys when she was younger, but this was different. This was Dean. “I don’t know what to do.”
Gail laughed and moved Emilie’s arm away. Kneeling on the floor next to her, she took both of Emilie’s hands in hers. “That’s obvious. Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
“Yesterday, everything was going fine. Dean and I went on a whale watch and other than being seasick, it was the perfect evening. Dean and I connected. Halfway through the cruise, we had this... moment and he leaned down to kiss me.”
Gail’s mouth dropped open. Then she laughed, a deep throaty laugh that would embarrass any daughter in public. “You really like Dean, don’t you?”
Emilie blurted out the rest before she made any assumptions. “I pulled away. I’m not sure why? What if I move and we date long distance? What if we break up? Everything was perfect, but I was too nervous. I wanted to kiss him; I really did. But besides my obvious reasons, I’d just thrown up. Kissing him with that acid taste in my mouth made me want to…”
Gail raised a hand to stop her. “Too much information. First of all, let’s talk about you leaving. It’s not going to happen.”
Emilie cocked her head. “How can you be so sure? I can’t stand that house.”
Gail shooed her words away with her hand. “That’s not a good-enough reason to leave Dean. You can get a new place. Speaking of him, let’s deal with that. He’s your fiancé, remember? It’s not a bad thing to be caught kissing.” She playfully batted her eyes until Emilie cracked a smile.
“We’re not technically together.”
Gail held up her hands. “Why not? Why don’t you date him and even marry him? That boy is everything to you. He’s liked you since... It’s been so long, I can’t remember.”
Her words sucker punched Emilie. Even though she was sure he liked her, he’d never said the words. It made a difference. “Maybe he’s been like that recently, but we just reconnected. It’s been years. It’s hard for me to believe he’s had feelings for me all this time.”
“Believe it, girl.”
Emilie bit her lip. She was quickly running out of reasons why she couldn’t be with him. “Right now, he’s my safety net. I don’t want to lose the one constant in my life.”
“Yeah, and he knows that, too. Being fake engaged to you is probably driving him crazy, but he’s doing it because he knows that’s what you need. But tell me something, what hasn’t he done for you?” Emilie opened her mouth and then closed it. His overly kind gestures confused her. How was she supposed to know if her feelings were real?
