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36
Max
“If you would have askedme this time last year what my life would be like, I would have not had a clear answer because I had nothing in my life that made me happy, or at least what would constitute as a really happy. I had work, sex and booze. I was not in control of anything, and had no desire to have the control either. I was a walking corpse most days, with erratic behaviors which didn’t make me a pleasure to be around and I’m forever thankful that I was able to pull my head out of my ass, for that I am grateful for my best friend, I’m thankful to my brother and most of all thankful to the woman who I share my life with.
If I didn’t have the come to Jesus moment, I would not have been prepared for my girlfriend to enter my life when she did. Regardless, that she actually entered my life while I was suffering within a downward spiral. During my downward spiral, I drank like a fish and figuratively entertained multiple women on a daily basis. I’m not proud of it, but I would have never met the person who completes me without this period. I’m going to have a baby girl here in a month and I’m scared shitless. But I’m also so excited to start on this new journey with open and clear eyes. With no tainted blood running through my system and a clear conscience. I don’t condone any of my past behavior, I know where it stemmed from and no, I’m not making excuses or saying it was okay, and for all I’ve done, the pain inflicted on others, I’m not proud. But I am proud of who I am today, that with the love and support of my peers, my friends and my family – I am who I am. Today, I celebrate 7 months of being sober today, 7 months filled with strawberry milkshakes, pineapples and a new life.” The people sitting in the hall go from wearing chicken costumes to wearing their normal, but my eyes automatically locate Tatum at the back of the hall, and I take a deep breath and smile. The hall erupts in applause.
I take my seat in between Dane and Tatum. Her hand takes its place on my mid-thigh and Dane clasps my shoulder and leans in.
“I’m proud of ya buddy.” He whispers.
I nod my head in acknowledgement. Behind me, Mike grabs my shoulders and gives them a shake then there’s a slight slap on the back of my head, I turn around and Davis is smiling at me and giving me a thumbs up. I didn’t think that this was something that everyone in my life had to be at, however as I look down the aisle and behind me, I’m surrounded by friends and family. I return my attention to the podium up at the front of the hall and notice that Leo is sitting in the front row with his leg bouncing, he’s speaking next and he’s nervous. Leo is introduced and is now wiping his hands on his pants and standing.
“Much like the speaker before me, I too am an alcoholic. Like the speaker before me, I am a new man,” Leo begins.
* * *
One agenda item downfor this week, next up is the baby shower that Sterling and Sammie are throwing for us this afternoon. It’s a co-ed shower so I was told to make sure that we had BBQ items and to make sure that our backyard was clean as well to make sure to leave Tatum plenty of energy to enjoy herself comfortably. She has been exhausted lately, it looks like it hurts when she walks, sits down, lays down or gets up, so basically any movement. However, her sex drive exceeds mine, which is quite amazing.
It's mid-January and the air is crisp. I rented a few space heaters to place around the deck and I just made sure we have enough propane for today’s festivities. While I shower, Sterling and Sammie had shown up and transformed our backyard. It looks like the jungle and baby animals threw up in various parts, I snuck up on Tatum from behind and wrapped my arms around her, my lips pressed to her neck and I could see the goose bumps erupt all over her skin.
“People are starting to arrive, but all I want to do is take you into the bedroom and lock us away.” I whisper.
“There’s plenty of time for that later.” She smiles patting my hand that is atop her belly.
* * *
She was right,later we had plenty of time. Tatum had started on maternity leave right after the baby shower. Every morning, she woke me up with sex in some shape or form for the next two weeks. I’ve been working my ass off with the strip mall job, making sure that I am as caught up as I could be. I make all the notes available on our server at the office in case I need to take time off.
We have roughly a week to go before Tatum delivers the baby and we’re lying in bed together after some slow love making.
I lay on my side with my palm over her belly, my ear is against her warm skin and our daughter is kicking me in the cheek.
“People keep asking me if we have chosen a name, and I realized that we have never discussed it.” I murmur against her skin.
“I haven’t really thought about it much, I always figured that could come later, but we are a few weeks away. What would you like to name our daughter?” She asks softly with her fingers running through my hair.
“I don’t want her to have a geezer name like ‘Esther’.”
She laughs. “Those names are making a comeback, just so you know.
“Yeah, but my grandma’s name was Esther and all her friends had those names. I can’t look endearingly at my daughter when she has a name that my gran and her friends had.”
“What about Betsy?” Tatum says after a moment.
My breath hitches. I look at her, she’s smiling and I feel like I can see my soul within her eyes. I don’t think I’m breathing, but I have no words to say.
“Max? Did I lose you?” She whispers licking her lips.
“You would want to name our daughter after my ex?”
“I know how much Betsy meant to you, and in a way I think it would be good to carry on her name in some way.”
“You are amazing.” I lean in to kiss her softly.
“So you would approve of that name?” She asks hesitantly.
“I don’t want you to feel obligated to choose that as a name. This is our life together, I want it to be a name that you love as well. Just the offer alone, has me falling in love with you all over again. But we don’t need to name our baby after Betsy.”
