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20
Max
It’s been3 weeks since I’ve found out that I was going to be a father. I’m terrified, because what if I won’t be a good father? I’m excited, because I can be a good father, I’m nervous, because I may fuck it up and I’m happy for a new opportunity, and maybe a new direction in my previously fucked up life. Maybe this baby is what needed to happen at this point in my life to wake me up and slap me around a bit.
I’m trying my best to get to know Tatum as well, we’ll be co-parenting together, so we might as well right? I think getting to know her scares me more than the baby does. This experience was something that I was supposed to experience with Betsy. Parts of me are feeling guilty for that, while the other part is reminding me to not dwell on the “what could have beens.”
Since I’ve known about the baby, I’ve gone to two meetings a week, as well as maintaining my support with Leo. He almost went back to the bottle, when his fiancé started freaking out over seating, arrangements which subsequently had him freaking out, thankfully he came over to my house and we talked through it. I think Leo keeps waiting for me to break down as well, since a kid is a whole lot bigger than seating arrangements but I’m staying level headed.
I’m standing in my bedroom, looking at the drab colors. When I moved back into the house, I removed most of the color from it. Betsy threw color throughout the house as what she would call a splash with my masculine blacks and grays. I turned from my room and walked into the 2nd bedroom. Davis moved out earlier than what I expected, but since he was my brother and not an actual tenant, there was no big deal about it. The room in there, also very boring. I went through each room of my house and mentally added a list of items I would need to purchase to change things up a bit.
When I was walking from the hallway bathroom to my office, the doorbell rang. I half jogged to the front door and opened it.
Nikki stood there, in purple velour sweats and a ball cap. She looks casual, like she just came from studying. She smiles as I move aside and allow her in. A mist of apples follows her as she walks through my house and into the kitchen. She’s been here enough that she apparently helps herself, I take note. She’s quite comfortable here, in my house, with my stuff.
“So Max, what’s crackin’? I haven’t heard from you in a while.” She says as she grabs a glass of water.
“Been busy. Work, life… you?” I say sitting down on the barstool.
“Well, working my ass off in school and stressing on finals.” She says like we usually have this conversation.
She needs to let off some steam, I see what she’s doing now. I stand up and walk around the counter and corner her. I place both of my hands on either side of her after I removed the glass from her hands.
I lean into her and slightly press myself against her. I can do this.
“Is this what you want Nik?” I whisper against her neck as I trail my lips down slowly. This doesn’t feel right. I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
She lets out a breathy hum and slowly nods.
“Did you need to relax?” I whisper as I dart out my tongue and run it the length, feeling her shiver against me.
“I thought it might be a good idea.” She mumbles as her nails dig into my shoulders.
I press against her to try to excite myself, but nothing is happening. I continue kissing her neck and then start moving my hands to cup her breasts. I notice that her nipples are on point and I reach under her shirt and tug on her right nipple. She lets out a moan and wiggles against me practically riding my thigh. I pull off her shirt and un-do her bra and pull her nipple into my mouth. This usually gets me going. But nothing is happening with my dick, I’m flaccid and showing no signs whatsoever of the desire to fuck. What the hell, my big head is not communicating with my little head.
I pull my lips away from Nikki’s breasts and I take her lips with mine and plunge my tongue inside, I’m slightly frenzied but fuck it. She keeps up and is pulling my shirt over my head. In the second that we separated, I rubbed myself against her, and then immediately went back to my savage attack on her lips.
Still nothing is happening in my southern regions and now I’m frustrated. I pull back from her and breathe heavily against her shoulder; she is still grinding slightly on my thigh making small noises of excitement. I allow her to ride my thigh as I catch my breath. My eyes are squeezed closed and instantly Tatum comes into my vision, and I’m all of a sudden hard as a rock. What the fuck?
I start kissing Nikki again, I grasp her ass and pull her into me more. My eyes are still closed and I’m picturing Nikki is Tatum, grinding against my thigh, making those sounds, and I pull back. Suddenly, I put some distance in between Nikki and myself and pull myself together. With the loss of my thigh and whatever else it was that Nikki was doing, getting off most likely, she whimpers.
“I’m sorry Nik.” I breathe out once I have gained a steady breath.
“What happened?” She asks, stepping closer to me.
I move out of her reach and put the counter between us, in case she reached out to touch me.
“I can’t do this.” I admit.
She grabs her bra and shirt off the kitchen floor and puts them on.
“I’m sorry.” I say with my face in my hands.
She pulls the barstool next to me out to sit on and faces me.
“Are you okay?” She asks.
“I should be asking you that, I didn’t let you finish.” I say to her through my fingers.
