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“Obviously.”
“Please tell me you’re not calling just to have a snarky conversation with me. I was in the middle of a very important part of my favorite Zoe Saldaña dream.”
“Should I be concerned that you have a favorite Uhura dream?”
“I didn’t say she was starring in it as Uhura.”
“But she was.”
A frustrated huff is all the confirmation I need. “What do you need, descendant of the Orions?”
“I’m…um…lost.”
“Lost?”
“Yeah.”
“Emotionally or physically?”
“Now, who’s being snarky, Spock?”
J.T. grunts a small laugh.
“I honestly thought I remembered all the turns we took leaving, but at night, all these little roads look exactly the same.”
“That’s because they practically are,” he casually replies. “You’re in no man’s land.”
“Excuse me?”
“The estate actually runs all the way from the exit off the main highway to the other side of the lake, so all those little roads you feel lost on are actually a part of the property meant to confuse and deceive you. Glad they’re doing their job.”
“Could you do your job and find me?”
“Didn’t hear a please.”
“You’re about to hear my murderous screams if I’m left stranded on the side of the road in the middle of the fucking night much longer.”
“Let me pull up the camera feeds of the roads and find you.”
“How is it you have enough cameras on the property to make the Jetson’s jealous but can’t put up a couple of road signs for guests?”
“We don’t have guests.”
“You have deliveries! Maybe they’re not coming in for tea, but like, they’ve still gotta get there!”
“They have accurate directions.”
“Please don’t make me give accurate directions to my foot in your ass.”
Another laugh presents itself prior to him announcing, “Give me a few. I’ll come out and bring you home.”
I opt out of reminding him that this isn’t my home and that I have no intention of permanently moving into a wing of the Munster’s dream house by simply replying, “Thanks.”
After the call ends, I immediately drink in my dark settings and curse myself for every horror movie I’ve ever let someone talk me into watching.
This is exactly how they fucking start.
Pretty, big tittied, airhead gets magically lost in the woods where a psycho killer just so happens to like to play.
