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DION
So, how’s it been going, Dion?” Dr. Goode asks.
I sit in the familiar, slightly worn leather chair in my therapist’s office, fingers tracing the stitching on the armrest.
“I saw her at my friend’s wedding the other day. We barely spoke. And she’d texted me a few days before that,” I say, bouncing my leg up and down, a nervous tic I can’t seem to control now.
“What did the text say?”
“Hey.”
“That’s it?”
I nod. My throat feels tight like there’s a lump I can’t swallow.
“Did you reply?”
I take a deep breath, but it gets stuck somewhere in my chest. “No.”
“And why’s that?”
“I don’t know. A mixture of not knowing what to say and a little resentment.”
“Why do you resent her?”
I clasp my hands together, knuckles turning white as I squeeze them.
“She’s been ignoring me for an entire year, Dr. Goode.”
My therapist looks at me with that familiar, gentle expression.
“Ah, yes. Abandonment issues.”
“What’s with everyone making fun of my abandonment issues?”
She laughs. “I’m not making fun of you. That would be very unprofessional of me. Why do you feel she abandoned you?”
I run my tongue over my lips, trying to find the right words. I want to talk, to let it all out, but the words are tangled up. Dr. Goode nods slightly, encouraging me to take my time.
“Every woman in my life has.”
She leans forward slightly, her hands resting lightly on her notepad, not writing anything yet. “Do you think you’re not good enough for people to stay?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe. That would explain why I feel unworthy.”
“You’re worthy of love, Dion.”
“She doesn’t love me. My mother didn’t either, or else she wouldn’t have left me.”
Dr. Goode sighs. “I can empathize with how you’re feeling. It’s okay to be hurt.”
My throat tightens again, but I know she’s right. “Yeah,” I murmur. “Since my mom left, there’s always been this...hole, you know?”
She nods, her eyes softening with understanding. “That kind of sense of abandonment can leave deep scars, and also affect your sense of worth and trust in others.”
I take a breath, the tightness in my chest still present.
“When you’ve been hurt so deeply, it’s natural to worry about being hurt again. But it’s important to recognize that she is not your mother. She’s a different person with her own way of caring for you,” Dr. Goode adds.
