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Nathan grins. ‘Hello, mate.’
‘Can I get a Pepsi MAX?’ Anthony asks, hopeful.
‘No, darling.’ Lottie speaks at the exact moment Nathan agrees. ‘Mineral water only with dinner; you know the rule.’
‘It’s not fair,’ says Anthony, glaring at her. He stomps across to the American-style fridge and presses his glass against the ice-maker, then carries it back to the table and sloshes San Pellegrino over the cubes.
As Nathan and the kids settle down to eat, Lottie goes back to the grill pan to see if she can rescue any of the more burnt flatbreads. One is a complete write-off, but the other is only a little singed. As the kids animatedly tell Nathan about their day, Lottie cuts off the worst of the burnt bits and pops the bread onto a side plate.
She sets the plate down next to the empty spot at the table and looks at Nathan. ‘Do you fancy some wine?’
‘I’m in the middle of a conversation here,’ replies Nathan, wearily, but pushes his glass towards her.
Suppressing a sigh, Lottie carries his glass and her own across to the wine fridge and selects her favourite dry white. She pours them both a generous measure, then returns the bottle to the fridge. Nathan detests wine that’s anything other than perfectly chilled. As she walks back to the table she tunes into the conversation.
‘… And so my trainer says me and Harley can do our first one-day event in the autumn if I keep working hard,’ says Octavia, shovelling more pasta into her mouth. ‘We concentrated on the dressage today – you know it’s my weakest phase – but Piggy said that I’m more of a six now than a five, and Harley’s canter is almost a seven.’
‘Brilliant,’ says Nathan. ‘You’re really putting the work in. I’m proud of you.’
‘Yes, well done, darling. I’m very proud too,’ says Lottie as she sits down.
Anthony rolls his eyes as he scrapes his plate clean. He sets down his fork with a clatter. ‘Can I be excused?’
‘No, it’s family time, you need to wait until we’re all finished,’ says Lottie, helping herself to a small scoop of pasta bake and a larger helping of salad.
‘So unfair,’ says Anthony, grabbing the last flatbread and chewing it moodily.
Nathan finishes his last mouthful of pasta and stands up. He looks at Anthony. ‘You can leave the table now, bud.’
‘Thanks, Dad,’ says Anthony, leaping up from his seat and rushing back upstairs to his Xbox, half-eaten flatbread in hand.
‘But I haven’t finished,’ says Lottie, hating the whine to her voice.
‘I’ve got a Zoom call.’ Nathan barely looks at her as he gets up, leaving his empty plate on the table but taking his wine with him. ‘Some of us have to work.’
As Nathan retreats to his man cave in the converted attic, Lottie knows she’s unlikely to see him again tonight. They had been in love once – at least she thinks that they had – but the feeling and the memory are long gone. Now she always feels like the least important person in the room.
‘Finished,’ chimes Octavia.
‘Finished,’ parrots Katelyn as she chews her last mouthful.
‘Well done, girls,’ says Lottie, trying to inject her voice with a brightness that she doesn’t feel as the girls run back upstairs to play.
Finishing her wine, Lottie stands up and carries her glass back into the kitchen for a refill. This time she fills it to the brim. Leaning across the counter to the iPad, she unmutes the sound system. Music fills the kitchen as Queen and Adam Lambert sing about how the show must go on.
Lottie takes a big gulp of her wine.
Why is life so bloody hard?
And why does she have this anxiety, this growing sense of dread, that things are only going to get much harder?
Chapter 34
It’s hopeless.
Jennie lies in bed in the darkness of the guest bedroom, thoughts of Martin kissing her repeating in her mind over and again. The way he pushed her against the door, trapping her. How he gripped the back of her neck, forcing her mouth to his. The feel of his tongue thrusting into her mouth, uninvited.
What the hell was he thinking? Why did he think I wanted that?
