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"I wonder if a gay guy would be with a woman if she had a strap-on on."
I stare at her, not blinking.
She looks up and gives me a wry smile. "Sorry. I guess that's not the most helpful right now."
"No, it's not helpful right now. I'm not about to go and buy a strap-on and go back to the bar and ask Osprey if he wants to pretend he's into me and not kiss his boyfriend so that I can tell my jerk face of a boss that he is actually, in fact, jealous of me and my new man." I groan. "Oh, what is going on in my life?"
"I don't know, girl, but I feel like you need to get some dick."
"Excuse me? That's your answer to me?"
"That would solve a lot of problems, right? If you got some dick, then you could legitimately make your boss jealous. And if you got some dick, it would most probably be with someone who wanted to give you the dick and not picture you as a handsome man."
I glare at her some more.
"What? I mean, maybe if you cut your hair, grew out a mustache and a beard, flattened your breasts. Of course, in all reality you’d most probably have to cut them off."
"Don't gay guys like breasts?" I ask her.
"Yeah, but not for fun in the bedroom," she says, giggling. "Sorry. I'll stop."
I sigh. "Oh my gosh. How am I going to go to work on Monday? He probably thinks I'm a fool. And then he was all there with his beautiful model look alike laughing in my face."
"I didn't see him laughing in your face, Skye."
"I'm exaggerating. He wasn't laughing in my face, but he was for sure smirking. Oh, this sucks."
"At least you have your date tomorrow with your blind date."
"Yeah, that's true," I say, starting to feel a little bit better. "And he's obviously interested in women because he was on a dating app looking for a woman."
"I mean, technically."
“Technically? Explain.”
"Obviously he's interested in women to some degree, but he could be bi, girl. Or queer."
"Okay, and your point is?"
"My point being that just because he's interested in women doesn't mean he's not interested in anyone else." She shrugs. "I'm just being honest with you so you don't get your hopes up just in case you see him on another date with a guy or something."
"Thanks, Elisabetta. Like, what are you doing to me right now?"
"Sorry. It's the drinks and…I don't know. Maybe I need some dick myself."
"Yeah, I think you do."
"And I don't mean from anyone I already know. I want to be wooed."
"I want to be wooed as well, Elisabetta."
"I know. Should we go speed dating or something?"
"Not again." I shake my head. "The last time we went it was absolutely awful. I mean, at least you've got some options. What options do I have?"
"Well, you have your boss."
"He's not an option."
