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"It's okay, but I thought you said you enjoyed it…" Her voice drifts off.
"It was fine. It felt different, and it's been nice experimenting with him, but I don't expect the man that I've allowed to fuck me in the ass to tell me to go on a dating reality show, and then, after he hears about the dating reality show, tell me about the other shitty ass things he wants to do." I wrinkle my nose. "Quite literally."
She giggles. "Do I want to know why that's literally?"
"No," I say, chuckling, and take a deep breath. "You know what, one piece of advice, Juniper?"
"Yeah?"
"One. Never, ever mess around with your boss."
"Oh. Trust me when I say that's not even going to be a problem." She laughs. "Remington Parka has never looked at me. I don't even know that he knows that I'm a woman. He would never want me."
"I'm just saying that if, at such a time, he does look at you and he does proposition, and you are even tempted for a second, just say no. It is not worth it. I don't even want to go to work tomorrow, but I have to because I need the money."
She stares at me, "But I thought you had?—"
"I quit my job on the weekends because I was spending all my time with fricking Kingston, and I can hardly be going on dates with Kingston and working bachelor parties at the same time, can I?"
"No," she says, shaking her head.
"And he keeps me so busy during the week that I haven't had time to get another job in the evenings." I sigh. "He's monopolized all my time, and for what? Just so that he can fuck me when he wants me?"
"But you liked spending time with him, right?"
"I did. I guess I'm just annoyed and frustrated." I can feel tears running down my face. "I'm hurt. I feel stupid, because I shouldn't be hurt. I feel stupid, because he told me in the very beginning that this wasn't going to be anything. I just didn't think he would so casually tell me to accept the offer to go on a dating show. He didn't even hesitate. He didn't even say that he wouldn't be comfortable with it. He basically was like, 'Good luck. I hope you meet the man of your dreams.' Like, stab me in the heart, why don't you?"
"You like him?" she asks.
I stare at her for a couple of seconds.
"You like him, like him. You love him."
I shrug and look away, because the truth of the matter is that I'd realized, for a while, that I'd been in love with him, but I'd ignored it because I knew my feelings meant nothing and could go nowhere. Maybe a part of me had hoped, in the back of my mind, that he was developing feelings for me as well. But no man that was developing feelings for me would tell me to go on a dating show. "I'm just a fucking idiot," I say. "I guess I fucked up again."
"Hey. Don't be so down on yourself, Skye. It's not your fault that you fell for him."
"He warned me, before we even started this arrangement, 'Don't fall for me. Don't get any plans in your head that we're going to end up like Lila and Max, because it's never going to happen,' and I got so upset. I even went off on him, and look where we are. I fell for him. I am an idiot. How can a man tell me, 'Don't fall for me,' and then I fall for him?"
"Because you just don't know what's going to happen in life, girl."
"I guess you're right. You just don't know." I shake my head. "I feel like a bit of a fool."
"You shouldn't. So what are you going to do now?" she asks.
"What am I going to do now? I guess I'm going to go into work tomorrow morning and be the best actress I can fucking be. I'm going to pretend I don't care that he doesn't care. I'm going to pretend I'm excited for this audition, and I'm going to tell him that our fun dates and our fun nights are over. So if you want that makeover this weekend, it's on," I say. "I don't even have to wait until next weekend."
"Wait. Are you sure? I don't?—"
"I'm sure. I can't continue like this. I was an idiot, Juniper. I fell in love with my boss. I fell in love with the one man that told me, 'Do not fall in love with me. You will never have a long-term relationship with me.' I don't know how I could have been so stupid, and now I have to be the best actress of my life and pray that I do get onto Love is Blind, and pray that I find someone that I can love and to be with, at least fifty percent as much as I love to be with Kingston, because he's special."
"I'm sorry," she says. "Maybe he..."
"Maybe he, nothing," I say. "It doesn't matter to me. I was the dumb one. I know it was me, and I just have to move on with my life. I'm not going to let him know what he's done to me. I'm not going to let him know that I'm in love with him. I'm not going to let him know that I wish that he and I could have a happily ever after."
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kingston
