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“Dammit, I’m gonna be late.” She tossed back the covers and jumped out of bed until she glanced at her alarm clock and sighed. It was fifteen minutes before her alarm was set to go off. She had plenty of time. She just needed to relax before she had a nervous breakdown on her first day. “You’ve got this, Vialdi. Remember that.”
Johanna went to her bedside table and uncapped her bottle of pills. Downed one and took it with a swig of water. In thirty minutes, she would be feeling much better. Her heart rate would be regulated, and her mind would cease racing.
“No more panicking,” she muttered to her reflection, then pulled her hair up into a loose bun and grabbed her clothes she had all laid out nicely from the night before.
Johanna’s previous job wasn’t awesome. She had worked at a hospital that allowed little rest for the weary and created hours upon hours of stress. It could safely be called toxic. Eventually, it all got to her, and she mentally collapsed. She wound up in an inpatient treatment center for a week and was diagnosed with anxiety and major depressive disorder. She was forced out of her job, and her therapist and she decided it would be good if Johanna could start anew. She wanted to believe she could succeed as a nurse someplace fresh but felt it would take her a long time to acclimate to a new environment. That scared her more than anything.
Change was supposed to be good, but Johanna worried that this change might send her spiraling again. Her new venture would be as a Pediatric Surgical nurse in a residency program. She had never done surgical before, so this was a new change that would take her out of her comfort zone. Johanna wasn’t a new grad, but she hoped that going into the residency program would help to guide her. Johanna preferred the long training that the residency program would provide. Despite her fears, she just needed to hope she didn’t falter.
After Johanna dressed in her scrubs, she turned to her reflection and did the breathing exercises her therapist gave her. If she didn’t calm her racing heart, she would have never made it to CAPMed, and she needed this job. She owed nearly $11,000 to her old hospital since she didn’t fulfill her contract. Plus, with her hospital bills, there was no doubt she had to get to her job and keep it. The money wouldn’t come in without a reliable career. There was more at stake than just her health.
Passing through the kitchen, Johanna grabbed a plain bagel and water and hurried out the front door. She had twenty minutes to get to the train but didn’t want to risk anything messing her up. It was only a two-block walk, and the station was already hopping with commuters. Living in Chicago, she had no use for a car as long as she had her two legs and a train station to get her across town.
When the train arrived, she boarded, and Johanna made her way back as far away from the crowd as humanly possible. It gave her a moment to think, which she always appreciated. Her mind went to Ali. She had met her at the conference a week ago. It wasn’t until Nolan had approached them and Johanna saw how friendly they were that she realized that Ali was likely an employee at CAPMed. Unless she was merely there to support her husband. Well, Johanna wasn’t sure it was her husband. Ali wasn’t wearing a wedding band, but it was clear they were definitely close. He worked at CAPMed; she got that from his introductions at the lecture, but it only made sense that his spouse would do the same.
She released a breath. “And to think I allowed myself to flirt with someone unavailable.”
She saw a woman staring at her across the aisle, and Johanna smiled weakly. She had to have looked like a lunatic talking to herself, but it wasn’t like she would ever see the woman again. She turned and stared out the window. If she had any luck, she would hope she didn’t have to see Ali again. That way, she wouldn’t have to face any awkwardness. If she saw Nolan, at least he would most likely have no idea how Johanna had practically thrown herself at his lover. She felt her hands turning clammy and rubbed them on the seat cushion.
Once she had gotten to her stop, she waited for the train doors to open and others to pile off. The hospital was a few blocks away, so she had another fifteen minutes to think before she got to the hospital, but once there, she stood frozen in her tracks, staring at the building.
“What have I gotten myself into?”
CAPMed was at least twice the size of her previous hospital and was imposing. A helicopter was coming in toward the emergency department, and every single available parking space she could see was taken. Cars were packed in everywhere and there was no doubt that the parking garage was the same. She had only been past the hospital several times, but this was more than she had anticipated. Her heart began racing again.
“You’ve got this.” It was sometimes tiring giving herself a pep-talk, but she had to do something if she was going to get into the hospital and not run away. When she got inside the hospital, her nerves only intensified. She closed her eyes, trying to remember where she was told she was supposed to go.
Room A. Second Floor. Second left. Or was that Third floor, second left? Johanna groaned. She wasn’t even certain it was room A. She wasn’t even confident it was second left. She glanced at her watch. She distinctly remembered thinking she should write down the info but was excited for the opportunity and figured she would remember simple directions. But she had to figure out something with only ten minutes until she was supposed to be at orientation. She rushed to the elevators and stared at the signs next to the elevator door. HR was on the third floor, so maybe she would start there. She tapped for the third floor, and the door was closing when she saw a younger woman running towards the elevator.
“Please, hold the door.” Johanna put her foot out, stopping the door from closing, and the woman rushed onto the elevator. “Thank you so much. I’m about to be late and thought if I missed this elevator, I might not make it.” She fell back against the wall. “Sixth floor, please.”
Johanna hesitated before hitting the button for the sixth floor. This woman looked a bit unsure, which echoed Johanna’s feelings perfectly. She glanced over to her. “Here for orientation?” Johanna asked.
The woman shot her a glance. “For the Pediatric Surgical residency?”
Jo nodded.
“I am. You?”
“I am, but I thought it was the third floor. Or second. Or…” She sighed. “Guess I wasn’t as prepared as I thought.” Johanna shifted from one foot to the next. She looked down at the papers that were in her arms. A simple note would have been all she needed. “I didn’t write it down, and now I’m wondering.”
“I have Room A. Sixth Floor. Second left.” The woman looked at a notebook and sighed. “But I’m a bit overwhelmed, so it’s very possible that I screwed that up.” She began chewing her nails when the door slid open to the third floor.
“You and me both,” Johanna admitted. “But I think we’ll go with yours.” The doors closed and carried them up a few more floors. “I saw HR was on the third floor and thought maybe that was where I needed to go.” The doors opened, and they both exited the elevator. “Together, I’m sure we’ll find it.”
Following this other woman’s directions, they found Room A. “That’s a good sign,” the woman laughed lightly.
The door was open, so Johanna led the way in, where several other women had already gathered. Another good sign. Johanna felt relieved that she had met this woman at the elevator, and they had gotten there together. “I do believe you’re right.” Johanna grinned. “My name is Johanna.”
“May!” Johanna and May shook hands.
Johanna felt relieved to have already met one person she could call a friend. She was hoping that things would only get better from there. When the door closed, the room quieted, and Johanna turned toward the front of the room.
Two women walked to address the audience, and Johanna stared at the first one. She walked like a drill sergeant, determined that everyone followed her lead. Her eyes were directed straight ahead, but Johanna instantly recognized her. She held her breath, waiting for her to turn towards them.
“Hello,” she started. “My name is Alison Miller, and this is Harly Schultz. We’ll be most involved with your training throughout your residency here. Harly will be heading up your orientation today. Tomorrow, you’ll get a brief rundown from HR, and then you’ll be with me. So, enjoy today while it lasts.” The group had some scattered laughter as Johanna felt her mind swirling with her thoughts. Ali didn’t smile at all when she spoke. “Harly, the group is all yours.” Ali headed towards the door, never once looking in Johanna’s direction, and then she was gone.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” May whispered.
