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“Don’t give up. There’ll be a way. You always win, remember?”
He exhales heavily. “I’ll never give up, even if it kills me. If I give up, everyone who works for us will suffer. It has to survive.” His voice drops to a hoarse mumble. “I’m nothing without it.”
“Don’t say that.” I turn to face him, resting my head against the plush sofa cushion.
“It’s true.” He finishes the water and crunches the bottle up in his fist. “It’s who I am.”
“Maybe I can talk to Ophelia again, or to Callaghan myself. Maybe—”
“No.” His voice is fierce. “He can be a bastard. I don’t want you anywhere near him.”
“What’s he going to do? I’m no one to him.”
“But you’re someone to me, and that’s what he’ll care about.”
He turns back to stare out over the ocean.
Someone to me.
“I thought I was just a cunt you have a short-lived addiction to.”
His eyes shutter closed, and he draws in a measured breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m the cunt, Ava. You’ll understand that the more time you spend with me.”
I allow myself the indulgence of drinking him in. The sharp cut of his jaw, the days’ worth of dark stubble dusting his chin. His soft lips, the way his brows give away his emotions when they pull low or hitch up. I doubt he even knows they do it.
“You just want people to think that because it’s easier.”
He snorts out a humorless laugh.
“It’s easier than people knowing you fill hotel fridges with grapefruit juice and buy lingerie packing bags as gifts. You’re only a cunt sometimes.”
“Some?”
I want to smile at the way his eyes light up a little.
“Most of the time.”
“What am I the rest of the time?” His eyes drop to my lips, and I shiver despite the air being warm.
“I’m not sure. I’m still finding out.” I search his eyes.
He’s silent for a beat.
“You won’t like what you find, Ava, so stop looking.” His expression clouds over again and my heart sinks.
“Do you think you’re unlovable? Is that why you said what you did about hoping you never fall in love?”
“I didn’t say I hope I don’t… I said I won’t.”
“You said it’s a game you refuse to play. You’re scared.”
His jaw clenches.
“You’re scared because you can’t control it.”
“Enough, Ava.”
“That’s the whole point,” I press, determined for him to listen for a change. “You’re not supposed to control love. That’s the beauty of it… the unknown. It’s an adventure.”
