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“Understands what it’s like to make sacrifices for me?” She looks at me, sadness swirling in her eyes.
I shake my head. “Understands what it’s like to love you so much that it feels like their entire existence makes sense now. Because your happiness means more to them than anything else.”
“Jet… You can’t put me before yourself, you need to—”
“Why can’t I?”
Her eyes widen. “Seriously? Look what it’s done to you. Look what it’s done to us. Do you know what it was like thinking you hurt me in the worst way you could?”
I swallow down the shame.
“It was horrendous,” she whispers.
“I’m so fucking sorry.”
She exhales shakily. “And knowing Mum…” She blinks up at the ceiling as she fights to remain composed. “Knowing it was Mum who took it floored me; I’m not going to lie. She said she did it to bring us closer, but I…”
I keep the deep growl locked away in my chest. It isn’t for me to tell Ava how to feel about her mother’s actions. But I’ll be here for her to work through it in whatever way she needs.
“I don’t know what the truth is.” She brings her eyes back to mine, and they’re clear, like she’s gained clarity. “But I know that it hurt more thinking you did it. You think I’ve wrecked you? You’ve wrecked me, too. This past month, I’ve felt so…alone.” Her breath catches in her throat as a pained whimper.
“Jesus.” I pull her to me, pushing wet strands of hair away from her face as I kiss her until she’s breathless. “I never want you to feel alone,” I choke, my lips still over hers, our foreheads pressed together. “And I fucking hate myself for making you feel that way. I would give up everything I have to stop you feeling that way. To make sure you’re safe.”
Her hands slide down my body as she strokes her fingers through my chest hair. The feel of her fingertips dancing over my thundering heart brings a calmness over me. I hold her chin in place so her eyes hold on mine.
“I love you, Ava. I’ve never said that to anyone. Never come close to feeling it. I’ve given everything to the airline, it’s been my purpose. Given me control. My life was planned, and I liked it that way.”
She parts her lips to speak.
“Listen to me.”
She closes her mouth and gazes at me, bright blue capturing my fucking soul.
“I had everything I wanted. Then you showed up, throwing me into the biggest reroute of my life. For the first time, it wasn’t about winning. Everything became about you. I could have told you the truth. Kept you tomyself. But I cared more about you being happy, even if that meant losing you.”
“Jet.” Her hands slide up to my face. I turn and kiss her wrist.
“I didn’t think you’d suffer like this. I didn’t think you’d miss me.”
She shakes her head. “You’re—”
“An asshole, I know.”
“No… You’re wrong. I missed you. I missed you so much.”
“Ava, I—”
“I love you, too.”
Her fingers trace over my brows as they shoot up my face.
“You can’t.”
“Don’t you dare tell me I can’t. That you don’t deserve it. You don’t get to control the way I feel.”
“I hurt you.”
“Yes, you did. But it’s what made me realize how I felt. It wouldn’t have hurt so much otherwise. I would have been angry, and shocked. But I wouldn’t have felt lost again. I wouldn’t have felt alone, like I did after losing…”
