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I twirl my fingers in a ‘continue’ motion.
“And I…” He clears his throat. “I’ve avoided getting close to anyone since my mother died. Even before that, if I’m honest. I’ve never… Until you, I…”
“Because?”
“Because…” He looks into the distance up the street and curses, his jaw clenching.
“I don’t want anything from you,” I say. The lines at the corners of his eyes deepen as he turns back to me, confusion marring his handsome face. “But you’ve helped me. I got on a plane again because of you. Okay, it was because I couldn’t stand you and wanted to piss you off. But I did it. Because of you.”
“Ava—”
“Shut up and listen.”
He clamps his mouth shut with a grunt.
“I haven’t helped you with work. So let me help you with this. Because I know you think you’re happy with the world thinking you’re this impenetrable bastard. But I’ve seen you. I saw you in Thailand and what you did for me when I needed someone. I saw the way your friends greeted you when we went to Jay’s house. I saw the way his daughter looked at you like you hung the moon. I saw all of it, you stupid jerk. So if you think you’re unlovable, or that you shouldn’t share a piece of yourself with people because it could get taken from you one day, then you’re a fool.”
He runs his tongue over his teeth. “An asshole, a jerk, and a fool. Why would you want to help someone like that?”
“I’ve been asking myself the same question.”
He opens his mouth.
“I haven’t finished,” I snap. “I’m doing it because there are worse things than losing someone who you’ve loved with every fiber of your being. Loved them so hard that their loss is like someone tearing your heart right out of your chest and then ripping it to shreds as you watch.”
“Ava.” He frowns and steps closer, but I hold a hand up to stop him.
“I watched my father die, Jet. Saw him suffer. Like you saw your mother be taken from you. When I was alone in that forest for days, do you know what gave me power? What gave mecontrol?”
His body tenses like it’s taking everything in him not to grab me and pull me into his arms.
“It was the love I had for Gramps, for Mum. I didn’t give up, because I still had them. I had people who cared about me. I had people I loved.” I look at him sadly. “You think being in control gives you the power not to get hurt. Not to feel loss again. But what’s it all for if you’re always doing it alone?”
He swallows, the sound of it cutting through the thick air between us.
I look at him and wait.
And wait.
Nothing.
It’s like I feared, he’s beyond help, too stubborn to admit he might be wrong about something for the first time in his life. The air seeps from between my lips in a hopeless sigh and I start to close the door.
“It’syouI want.”
His voice is so low, barely audible.
“What?”
“You.” He steps closer until the heat from his body is spilling into mine across the tiny gap between us.
My heart races as his eyes roam over my face, pausing on my lips, then coming up to hold my eyes.
“Don’t get me wrong. I still need control. I need to control you, toworshipyou, to function.”
I shudder.
“But it’syouI want, Ava. To talk to. To listen to. No one else.”
