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I had to live. I had to live for Charlotte.
Pushing against the water, I forced my feet to push me upward as I swam out of darkness.
“Are you leaving me here?” His voice was muffled, but it surrounded me like an echo. In the darkness, I could see him so clearly as he sank deeper into the ocean.
Shawn’s grey eyes stared into mine, a ghost smile on his face as his blonde hair floated upward. I turned around, desperate to save Shawn.
I have to save him.
I reached my hand out for him, fighting against the water as I begged him to grab my hand when I finally reached him. His lips stretched into an inhumane smile as both his hands gripped my arm and pulled me faster, deeper into the endless abyss.
“You deserve to die, too, Reaper!”
I woke up, startled, drenched in sweat with the echoes of that terrifying ocean and Shawn’s deep cackles still ringing in my ear. The room was dark, but the familiar hum of the busy Chicago streets brought me back to reality.
“It was just a dream,” I whispered as I got up from the bed. “Just a dream.” And yet it felt so real.
4:45. Anne was going to wake in about two hours.
I left my bedroom and went to check up on Anne who slept in her bedroom, Brady beside her on the bed, and it felt like my daughter had an older brother to protect her. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, pushing back her blond locks that she got from her mother, Charlotte. Anne had her mother’s features. The only thing she got from me were my eyes.
Man, it’s been incredibly hard.
I decided to take a shower since I was up already and to prepare Anne’s breakfast once I was done. I thought I had been doing just okay as a single parent, and I was incredibly grateful that I had Elise in my life.
However, ever since Brooke’s breakdown a few weeks ago, I was suddenly aware of just how terrible my PTSD was. This wasn’t the first nightmare I had had about Shawn; they had been recurring lately, alternating between the tour and the day Charlotte passed away.
After I was done with my shower, I got changed into my gym clothes and got started on Anne’s breakfast while making smoothies for Brooke and me. She would be arriving any time soon. Brady joined me in the kitchen, and I prepared his food for him.
“Did you sleep well?” I scratched behind his ear, and he wagged his tail as he waited for me to place his food down before him. “Eat.”
“Morning.” Brooke entered my apartment, dressed in sweatpants and a shirt of mine that she took after spending the night here. Her hair was combed through, and even though she had washed her face—which I could tell because of how rosy her cheeks were—sleep clouded her eyes as she walked toward me.
“Good morning.” She pressed her hands on my chest as she stood on her toes, leaning forward to kiss me. “Do you want your smoothie, or should I make you coffee?”
“I’ll have some coffee, please.” She stretched her arms over her head, and I smiled. “Is she up?”
“Not yet,” I shook my head, and she nodded, walking straight to Anne’s bedroom so that she could get her ready for day care. Brooke and I had fallen into an unspoken routine that worked out perfect for the both of us.
She would come in the morning and get Anne ready for school, while I went on my morning run. I was in charge of preparing breakfast, and she would take care of Anne while I wasn’t around.
“Do you want bagels?” I asked as I headed to Anne’s bedroom. Brooke had just woken my daughter up. She had a grumpy frown on her lips as she allowed Brooke to help her up.
“And bran muffins, please.” She carried Anne in her arms to the bathroom where she had already filled the bathtub with warm water. “And red velvet cupcakes for Anne’s lunchbox,” she yelled behind me.
I left the apartment and went on my run.
I loved the way that Brooke took care of Anne and actually liked to spend time with her. With all the other women I had attempted to date, it was a bit difficult for them to understand that I had a daughter and that she was my first priority over everything; hence, why all of those relationships failed.
But with Brooke, it was easy. She understood that Anne was always going to be my first priority, and she had seemed to make Anne her priority, as well. Even though we had never discussed it, Brooke just seemed to fill the role perfectly.
Of course, there were days where I felt tension building between us, and I had no idea how to address it, but then the next day, it would seem as if nothing had happened between us. Everything was back to normal.
As I ran down the street, maneuvering around the other people who were walking on the trail, I stopped by the fountain, watching as the water sprouted and cascaded into the bowl. From the other side of the fountain, I noticed somebody who wore a tunban that covered their entire body. Their head scarf hid their face, and I couldn’t make out who it was.
I picked up my pace and had to run around the bend so that I could make it to the other side of the fountain, but as I ran after the man, he disappeared. I decided to run back home, figuring that I had just lost the man somewhere.
My pace matched the music in my earbuds, the beat matching each step I took as I ran to the bakery that was just a few blocks down from the apartment. I entered the bakery and ordered the goods.
