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I once made an intentional mistake of buying her a huge bouquet of roses and carnations, which she admitted she actually liked, much to my surprise, and when they got delivered to her place, they filled out the entire lawn.
That day, she did actually respond to my text message, and at last I felt hope arise in my body again.
<3 Nao <3: Stop being a creep. I don’t need any of these things.
I had never been as happy as I was that day. Even though she’d insulted me, it only gave me more motivation to go on. But now she was leaving?
What the hell?
Arriving at her house, I quickly got out of my car and marched up the steps. I knew Noah wasn’t here to kick me out today, because he was at a committee meeting all the way in the center of town. Knocking on the door, I would like to think I waited patiently for her to open the door but I didn’t. Instead, all I did was continue knocking over and over again until the door opened.
“Oh!” she whispered, and it felt like I had just inhaled fresh air. I wanted to cry. I actually wanted to cry because it had been so long since I lost her, and now here she was in front of me, with her hair tied up to the top of her head in a bun, dressed in an old shirt and shorts. I was happy.
“You look gorgeous,” I whispered, and she frowned, looking down at her outfit. She looked hot. Shit, what a goddess! Why was she so gorgeous?
“Thanks.” She folded her arms over her chest, pushing her breasts upward. So she was not wearing a bra, either; what if I had been some pervert standing here? “What do you want?”
“When are you leaving?” I asked, and she sighed, looking out into the distance as she licked her lips.
I want to kiss her.
“Aaron told you?” She didn’t seem surprised, nor did she seem pleased, but I was not letting her go without a fight.
“Yes, so when are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow.” She pointed to her bags that sat by the foyer. “Is that all?”
“I’m sorry.” I took a step forward, and she held the door. Taking a step back, I stood still. “Please don’t leave.”
“I’m going to school, Alexander,” she whispered.
“Will you come back?” I asked desperately. I didn’t want her to leave, but I didn’t want her to stay either, if she kept hating me. “Please talk to me,” I begged as she kept quiet.
“I don’t know.” She shook her head, and it felt as if I was being drizzled on by cold-ass water.
“Can you listen to me for a while?”
“Go on,” she said softly, nodding.
“I’m a coward. I realize that now—well, not now but then—but because you haven’t been answering any of my calls, I haven’t been able to tell you.” Why did I feel so flustered? I couldn’t get a single sentence out of my mouth. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t considerate of your feelings then; that’s because I didn’t know mine, and it scared me to see you so in touch with yours because they were a confirmation of mine as well, and it fucking terrified me. I didn’t think I would ever fall for someone again, and so deeply at that, too.” I raised my head to look into her eyes, and she bit her lip.
“So what are you saying?” She tilted her head to the side, leaning against the door frame.
“Naomi, I really really really like you, and I want you to like me back. I don’t care about what people say anymore—so what if I’m older than you by more than a few years? I never once thought of that when I was approaching you back then, so why should it matter now?” Her cheeks gained a bit of color along with her nose as she looked at me.
“Why did it matter then?” She swallowed, and I knew my next answer would either make or break us, and I prayed to God it made us! PLEASE!
“Because I was an idiot who was afraid of being in love and being loved because I was convinced I didn’t deserve it. So I reserved myself and turned myself into an asshole in front of everyone, and yet here came this endearing woman who wouldn’t take no for an answer and challenged me. I was a fool to not realize what we had—what we have.” I corrected myself. Had my eyes ever felt this heavy? “You got under my skin, and it terrified me, what you would find out. I never noticed that you already knew me and the parts I tried to hide from you. They came out naturally because of you, and I owe you so much for being able to be honest with myself.” A warm substance slid down my cheek, and Naomi looked up, blinking her eyes.
“Naomi,” I whispered, taking this chance to take her hands in mine. They were so small and soft compared to mine, and they fit perfectly. “Please be mine,” I said softly, and she closed her eyes, her tears sliding down her cheeks.
Bringing my thumb up, I wiped them, hating the way they stained her beautiful face. I didn’t want her to cry for me or because of me. I just wanted her to be happy—and hopefully with me.
She took a deep breath in, her striking hazel-green eyes looking into my brown eyes, and she whispered her answer—“I can’t.”—leaving me numb and muddled.
She let go of my hands and walked back inside the house, closing the door in front of my face. In this quiet neighborhood, I could hear her sobs behind that door, and I couldn’t do anything about it because she’d closed me out of her life.
Chapter 26
