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If he’s got something to say to me, he’s going to need to say it quickly, and for some reason, I feel like whatever he needs to say shouldn’t be rushed.
“There’s something that I’ve been wanting to talk to you about,” he says as his eyes move away from me and he stares at pretty much anything but me.
He’s silent for a moment, and I can’t help myself; I bring my hand up and gently touch his face, turning him back to face me. He doesn’t move away from me, which is a surprise; it’s always a bit hit-and-miss when I reach out to him.
His eyes close as he leans into my hand, and my thumb strokes gently across his cheekbone. Riot lets out a shuddering breath as he just stays exactly where he is for a few moments, and I don't dare do anything that might interrupt this moment.
Eventually, his eyes open, and he finds me watching me closely. His lips tick up into a smile, and he still doesn’t pull away from me. He’s looking at me completely unguarded, watching me in the same way that I watch him, but I know that it won’t last very long, and sure enough, a few moments later, I see the moment that his walls slam back into place.
I don’t know what happened, and I don’t know if it was something that I did, although I know it can’t have been something that I said. It probably has nothing to do with me; it’s probably his own mind making him hesitate, and I try not to let the wave of disappointment that I feel show in my expression as he pulls away from me.
Chapter Eighteen
Rafe
He moves far enough away from me that you’d wonder if we were even friends and looks down at the floor. I can’t help it and sigh deeply, making him look up at me.
He sees my expression, and regret instantly flashes across his features as he swallows thickly.
Opening his mouth as his to say something, he instead frowns, “Fuck.”
He puts his hands on the back of his neck and interlaces them there; I know now is not the time, but the move pulls his black shirt tight across his chest and leaves a strip of tanned and toned abs visible just above his jeans. This time, it’s my turn to look away. Now is not the time to be getting distracted.
“Stop looking at me like that,” Riot suddenly says, his voice husky.
I glance back at him to see heat in his eyes, and I shrug as I reply simply and sign, “No.”
His eyebrows raise, and he takes a step toward me before he growls and looks away again. “I, er, I think you’re probably going to have to drive me home.”
Again, my eyebrows raise; we both know he’s had two beers at most, and that is nowhere near enough to get him too drunk to drive. I nod, this time not bothering to hide the disappointment on my face.
“No problem, man,” I reply.
I’d point out that we only brought two cars here anyway and that Cash and Trick are driving, so I can’t actually take him home, but I don’t bother. We both know that it’s just an excuse so that he doesn’t have to talk to me about what he really wanted to.
He smiles, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and starts to walk past me. I can’t help it; I feel like he was so close to really talking to me this time. Closer than he has ever gotten before. So before he can get too far away from me, I catch his hand, making him stop and look back at me.
Signing with one hand, I ask him, “Are you sure that’s what you wanted to say?”
His eyes fill with uncertainty as he looks back at me, and I see the exact moment that he makes up his mind, and he smiles, “Yeah, I’m sure.”
He squeezes my hand before he lets go and turns back around to head back to the guys and, hopefully, where they’ve sorted the situation with the girl out.
I watch him go. I just need to take a moment. That’s the closest he’s gotten to telling me how he really feels, and I know that he must feel something because even the guys have picked up on it. But it's starting to wear on me, the constant switching between thinking that he's going to say something and then him going distant. I know that he’s going to go distant after this, and I’m not sure how long I can carry this on.
Maybe it's time for me just to take a step back, just a bit. I’ll always be there if he actually wants to have the conversation, but I’m not going to let myself carry on waiting and hoping for something that could take years for him to do if he ever feels comfortable talking to me about it. His so-called parents really fucked him over, and he’s not okay. It doesn’t help that his aunt is working so much, so he has no one around to help him through anything.
That’s not true; he’s got us, but clearly, there’s only so much that he’s happy to talk to us about. This is one of the many times that I wish Ever were with us; if any of us weren’t comfortable talking to the others about something, then we’d talk to her, and she’d somehow make it better and convince us that it was okay to talk to the others too. She is definitely responsible for making us closer, in more ways than one.
“Rafe!” I hear Trick call, “We need to head over to the fight.”
I sigh and shake the tension out of my shoulders before I head back through the trees to find the guys all waiting for me and Riot looking guilty. I smile at him to let him know we’re good because we will always be good no matter what happens.
“You managed to get rid of crazy then?” I sign.
Trick smirks, “Yeah, her boyfriend hadn’t actually abandoned her but gone to find her friends, and they came and dragged her away.”
“They even apologized to us,” Cash chuckles.
