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I'm shocked into silence.
I guess I didn't know what he would say, but I didn't think he would tell me that he regrets what we did—he regrets me.
A little part of me shatters and before I can say anything back, he pushes open his bedroom door and I release him.
He walks into his room and closes the door behind him as I stand there like an idiot.
Tomorrow, I move out to Rita's, and maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll finally stop making a complete fool of myself.
Chapter Eighteen
Seven
The drive to drop Brynn off was done in complete silence.
Well, not complete silence. I had the radio on to drown out the lack of conversation between us.
It was a stark difference from the last time we drove this route together to Scallywag's a couple of days ago, with Brynn singing every note to the songs playing on the radio.
This time, she didn't sing a single note.
She kept her arm out in the breeze of the side window, watching the palm trees and ocean pass us by.
I saw the look on her face when I told her that I never should have touched her, and I meant it. I never should have touched Brynn because now it's physically painful not to reach out and do something as simple as take her hand into mine or glide my hand down her thigh as we drive down the road.
If I didn't know how incredibly smooth her skin is or the soft approving sounds she makes when I touch her, I wouldn't know how much I lost… though none of it was ever mine. Just like Josslin never really belonged to me. I think I always knew that deep down.
There was politeness in Josslin's eyes for me, not romantic affection. But I was a stupid kid back then, with my sights on making a name for myself in the NHL, and I didn't look close enough.
If I'm honest with myself, I saw it when I got down on one knee in front of that fountain with ten dozen roses all set up by the florist. Instead, I convinced myself not to notice the hesitation in her body language when I popped the question.
At the time, my brother was off serving his country, and Josslin was never on his radar. Josslin wasn't the only one with a childhood crush. I had one too, her.
I couldn't believe how lucky I was. I had an NHL contract and the girl I had loved since I was a kid was wearing my ring. Little did I know that my brother was jealous of my hockey career, which never materialized for him. So when he returned home from overseas without his best friend, he became broken and bitter, and he thought that taking the one thing I wanted most would help him feel better or vindicate him in some way.. It's too bad that stealing someone else's happiness doesn't convert the way he hoped it would.
Brynn already made her choice well before we met. I won't be Brynn's alternate choice. I've been there before, and in the end, no one wins.
I pull up to Scallywag's, and Rita comes out when she hears my jeep.
I don't shut it off since I have to leave as soon as Brynn gets her things out of the back so that I can be at the airport on time.
"Good morning, you two!" Rita beams.
She sees Brynn and I both jump out of the jeep and I move to get the luggage out of the back so that Brynn doesn't have to. I loaded it all for her, and with the lift on the jeep, it's too high for her to have to pull it all down.
"You don't need to do that," Brynn whispers to me as Rita approaches the side we're standing on.
"I can help you with your luggage. I loaded it."
"You didn't have to do that either," she says just as Rita walks up to us.
I pull all three pieces of luggage out of my jeep, and Rita grabs one of the bags.
"Off to get our girl?" Rita asks me.
"Right after I stop at the hardware store first. I need to pick up some supplies in town for a few of the repairs."
"Then off you go. I'll help Brynn get settled."
