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I thought about suggesting it but reconsidered. Within two nanoseconds we’d violate my “above-the-waist-only” touches. There was no way I could be that close to Matty, with both of us naked, and not touch him. My willpower would evaporate should he want to consume me. I’d go over the edge within a minute.
It also made me remember something else I’d forgotten about entirely. Matty brought someone home the night of the bonfire. He possessed the passionate scratches on his lower back to prove it.
That wasn’t that long ago.
Insecurity crawled up my spine and I squashed it as best as I could. What if I couldn’t please Matty? What if I was terrible at sex? I couldn’t lie to myself…. I was jealous of whomever he was with that night. It wasn’t right to think that because we weren’t dating when it happened.
“It’s not that difficult of a question, Ciaran,” Matty joked. “Do you want to jump in the shower first?” He squeezed my thigh. “Damn, you’re tense all of a sudden.” He glanced at me. Worry marred his dark eyes. “What’s going through your mind right now? Cold feet about the plan? It’s not too late for me text Zoey to call off the whole thing.”
“No, it’s a good plan.” Zoey had agreed to meet Matty tonight for dinner in the main house. Davies would take care of transporting Zoey to the estate while Franky was already making arrangements for the Vaulteneau head chef to arrive early to prepare an intimate three-course meal. “You can have the shower first. You have to get ready for tonight.”
“Yeah, I’m not buying that as the source of your anxiety.” The gate slid open as the SUV swung into the driveway and Matty carefully navigated into the spiral ramp that led to the basement garage. He pulled into his normal spot next to the Ferrari and cut the engine. “Was it the paparazzi?”
“No.”
“Do I need to dare you to answer me?”
I rolled my eyes. “You and your dares,” I said with a light laugh. I didn’t want to start a relationship by hiding things from him, so I said, “I was going to suggest we jump in the shower together.”
Matty narrowed his eyes at me as he came around to my side of the SUV as I climbed out. Could he tell was I was omitting a few things? Probably.
“Give me a little credit, Ciaran.” He pinned me to the side of the car as he playfully nipped at my lips with tiny kisses. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I arched up into him. The little growl he made at the back of his throat did dangerous things to me. “The joint shower thought entered my mind hours ago while we were slathering on said sunscreen. I knew I wouldn’t be able to behave, and you’re not ready for that level of intimacy, so I didn’t even want to joke about it lest you think I was pressuring you.”
I was momentarily speechless. “Thank you, Matty. It may not seem obvious, but that was sweet of you.”
He arched an eyebrow at that. “If you knew all the filthy things I plan to do to you when you’re ready, Ciaran, you might want to consider retracting the word ‘sweet’ from your vocabulary.”
Fuck.
“I, uh—” I cleared my throat. “I see a lot of cold showers in my future, Matty.”
“That’s been my life ever since you arrived.”
Instinctively, I muttered, “I’m sorry.”
We grabbed the shopping bags and surfboards from the back of the SUV and made our way to the staircase. When we reached the guesthouse and stored the surfboards, Matty turned to ask, “You didn’t do anything wrong, Ciaran. Why are you apologizing?”
I had to stop and think about that. What my memories returned were my confusing interactions with Drew. Stomach roiling with guilt, I felt the warmth of shame spread across my face.
“I—” I started but couldn’t finish.
I saw when realization dawned in Matty’s eyes. The sudden dark look that transformed his face alarmed me.
He was silent for a heartbeat before he pulled me into a tight embrace and whispered savagely, “Whatever happened was not your fault, Ciaran.” He let out a very long breath. The erratic beat of his heart thumped against my own. “I am going to kill whoever made you feel the way you’re feeling right now.”
I rapidly blinked back the sting in the back of my eyes. I wasn’t prepared for how those words would affect me. I clung to Matty for dear life.
“Thank you.” My voice was unsteady. “Just…thank you.”
42
MATTHIAS
As Ciaran and I parted at the top of the stairs—he to his bedroom and me to the shower to clean up for tonight’s dinner with Zoey—I didn’t press him for details even though I was dying to know who’d hurt him.
Besides, Franky was humming away in the kitchen, baking cookies. She was always good about playing deaf and blind when it came to my antics, but she might overhear anything I asked. It wouldn’t be fair to put Ciaran on the spot like that.
What I wanted was a name. Who made him feel bad about himself? If he gave me a name, I could start plotting their death two seconds later.
