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“Yes,” I answered truthfully. Any minute now Ciaran was going to freak out. “But that’s all I’m willing to disclose.”
“Okay.”
“Just ‘okay’?” I asked, not convinced while we were at a traffic light. On my left, the dark ocean reflected the moon. On the water, distorted silver ribbons danced in concert with the waves. On the radio, a rock song played, which helped fill some of the awkward silence.
“Correct,” Ciaran said while he looked down on his phone. “I asked you a question and I appreciate your honesty.”
His reaction caught me off guard.
“Why does it feel like you’re chastising me, Ciaran?”
“I’m not. I’m just wondering what you’re chasing, Matthias? You literally have everything at your fingertips, so I guess I want to know what’s missing from your life, because it must be pretty damn important.”
He’d stunned me into silence. Ciaran had stepped into my life only hours ago and he was already challenging who I was as a person. Outside of Filipe or Joan, I rarely let others in.
“It’s not something you have to answer,” Ciaran clarified. “I’m not even asking it as a dare. Just…give it some thought.”
If I wasn’t careful, Ciaran was going to unravel everything I’d been holding close to the chest without even trying.
19
CIARAN
Even before we’d entered airport grounds, I’d come to suspect that Matthias was hiding more than one secret, though for the life of me I couldn’t understand what it might be. The guy was at the top of the pyramid. Matthias even had Olympic potential. What could he possibly want that he couldn’t achieve through wealth, privilege, and high-ranking connections?
Illegal activities?
Meeting up with airport officials?
Collecting duffel bags containing God knows what?
He’d been stealing glances at me all the way back to Malibu.
Was he worried I was going to explode? Call the authorities?
The air in the SUV was tense, stifling, as if the molecules around us had absorbed Matthias’s anxiety, disbursing it. Was I breathing in parts of Matthias’s worry now? It was an interesting thought.
My own mood didn’t alleviate it. I’d been rereading my text string with Drew. We’d never been super explicit, but it was very clear that we were more than friends. Anyone from the outside who’d read our messages would have gotten the same impression.
So Drew’s final message was pretty much a slap in the face and him declaring that he wanted some separation between us.
The rational part of my brain knew it was for the best. I should not want to be in a relationship with a twenty-eight year old man.
My heart, however, was violently in disagreement because I knew it was my fault that Drew was no longer interested. If I’d only agreed to do more with him. If only I didn’t always stop him from doing more while we were together.
Matthias interrupted my thoughts when he said, “You seem awfully chill about illegal activities, Ciaran.”
“Until today, I’ve lived my whole life in Las Vegas, the gambling capital of the world, where people can win a fortune or lose their entire life savings in hours. Cheating is rampant, but that doesn’t bother me because the gambling system is built on corruption. It draws in the hopes and dreams of desperate people.”
“Bleak,” Matthias said, just as a ding from my phone chimed. “Are you texting your friends?”
I could tell his unspoken question was, Are you texting Drew?
Why would Matthias care who I texted?
“I’m not telling anyone what you did tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’m not worried about a group of seventeen-year-old kids from Las Vegas,” Matthias said.
