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“Well,” Ciaran said, now serious, “good riddance. Maybe he’ll get bitten by a poisonous spider.”
We let that satisfying thought hang in the air for a moment.
“Your friends love and miss you,” I said. “I can’t wait to meet them.”
“Really?” Ciaran lifted his head to peer down at me.
“Really.” I moved a curly blond lock of hair off his forehead. Raj was right, I did have a type…a certain tall blond guy who made me do crazy things, like dare him to be around me. “Your friends are welcome anytime. It’s your home, too.” Ciaran lay back down and nestled against me. “They should come for the summer, or for however long their parents will let them stay. We’ll surf and throw bonfire parties.”
“And you’ll let Rowen drive your Ferrari?”
“That’s a hard no,” I said with a chuckle.
Ciaran talked a bit more about his friends. “I’ve known Raj my entire life. He’s really smart but doesn’t actually believe it. If he doesn’t get into MIT, I’ll eat my laptop. Kinzy’s a big reader and a huge fan of celebrity gossip. She’ll ask you a dozen questions about your Hollywood connections, so be prepared. Brieana’s the quiet one of the bunch, but the second she opens her mouth to sing, she can bring down the entire house. She’s that talented. Plus, she’s like this poker shark. She’s been a big help to me as I plot my fictional casino heist. And Rowen?—”
“Your ex-boyfriend?” I interjected. I wasn’t exactly jealous, but I still wanted to make sure there weren’t lingering feelings between them.
“For like five minutes when we were freshmen,” Ciaran said, while also tsking at me. “Nothing serious and nothing to worry about.” When I didn’t say anything, he continued. “He’s big into his YouTube channel. He reviews video games and music—he’s a drummer—but he’s also a car fanatic. He’ll totally ask you to let him film the car so he can talk it up on his channel.”
“I’d be okay with that. And you’re the writer of the group? How would your friends describe you?”
Ciaran seemed to give that some thought. “Well, a month ago, they would have described me as a poor, stressed-out kid with dreams of writing a novel and getting into his dream college who instead ran a deli with his overworked mom. I was essentially a bouncer who growled at all the men who came in to hit on her.”
“Theresa is a beautiful woman.”
“It was a full-time job, is what it was,” Ciaran informed me with a disgruntled sigh. “That said, I’m glad she met Stefon. My mom was meant to have this kind of life.” He was quiet a long moment before he added. “Last night, Mom suggested I start seeing a therapist. You know, to untangle everything.”
“That’s probably smart,” I voiced. “Do you plan tell her you’re going to reject Stefon’s college stunt?”
“I will, and I know Mom did that because she loves me and didn’t realize it undermined everything I stood for. I’ll apply like everyone else.”
“By agonizing over your SATs, GPA, and essay?”
“Exactly,” he said with a chuckle.
“So, how would you describe yourself now?”
Ciaran picked at the athletic tape on my shoulder. “What do you mean?”
“Earlier, you described yourself from a month ago, which I’ve dubbed your pre-Matthias era. What about now?”
Ciaran laughed. “The biggest changes are I stumbled into undeserved wealth and I lost my virginity.” He wiggled his hips to illustrate his point. “I can still feel the proof of the other night.”
“You’re welcome, by the way.”
Ciaran pinched me. “Possessive brute!”
“True, but you love me anyway,” I countered, and he bit my shoulder. “Now who’s a possessive brute?” Ciaran merely grunted, which I wasn’t mad about. “Anyway,” I said, bringing us back to the topic at hand. “You described your changing circumstances, not you.”
“It’s tough to describe because it’s all internal, you know?”
“Try.”
“Okay, I’ll try. I’m still a writer and I still want to get into my dream college due to my own merit and not because of the Vaulteneau wealth. A month ago I was a confused kid who sought out the wrong kind of love and affection. I felt guilty about it and still do, to an extent. There are moments when I don’t think I’m deserving of love, but it’s nowhere near where it used to be. I think the biggest change is that I’m learning to love and accept myself, which means I’m capable of loving others.”
“Like me?”
“Who?”
