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How did he know Stefon Vaulteneau in the first place?
Taking a deep breath, I said, “His name is Drew.” I braced myself for Matty’s shock or wrath. He’d recognize the name. When it didn’t come, it gave me the strength to continue. I was so sure my shame was emitting from me like beads of sweat. “He’s my…high school counselor. And…I know you probably thought Drew was another student, but he’s not and, well,” I said, biting my lip and tasting blood, “we were sort of together but not together. It’s confusing and I’m not even sure what was real and what was not real. Things got heated. I don’t want to lie to you about that. It makes me feel icky, but sometimes…” I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look Matty in the face. You can do this, Ciaran. Matty cares about you. “Sometimes, I wanted it to happen. Like, I knew it was wrong, and I knew I shouldn’t want my teacher to touch me like that, but I responded to him like I was starving for affection. Drew offered what I craved.” Matty squeezed my hands even tighter and I braved glancing at him. Tears swam in his stormy eyes. “You’re probably disgusted with me and I don’t blame you.” I felt wetness on my cheek. I didn’t even know I was crying. “I’m disgusted with myself. There are days I want to scrub my skin raw and boil myself in hot water, and even then I don’t think it would be enough to make the self-loathing go away.”
I stopped talking. My throat was working, clenching. My chest constricted, like my lungs were suddenly deflating. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to hyperventilate.
So I focused on taking slow, measured breaths.
“Ciaran,” Matty started. There was a hitch in his voice. The compassion in his eyes nearly undid me. There was also anger brewing in his tense jaw. I could tell he wasn’t mad at me. He was very, very angry at Drew. “I could never be disgusted with you. Ever. Ever,” he repeated as he cupped my face with his gentle hands. Leaning forward, he kissed my forehead. “You are not to blame here. Your high school counselor, who I presume is an adult, is completely at fault.”
“Thank you,” I whispered because I didn’t know if I could talk without breaking down.
“I…” he said, pausing for the right words. He pressed his forehead to mine. “I…think I understand your range of emotions about your contact with him and I have to suspect that that’s normal. You were drawn to someone who made you feel good about yourself while combining it with touches that also felt good. We’re human, Ciaran. We respond to pleasure even when it comes from an inappropriate source. Those lines can get blurry, especially when you trusted him and believed his affections came from a place of honesty and truth. You’re such an amazing person and I’m half in love with you already. You deserve love and healthy relationships, both romantic and platonic. I’m so sorry you went through all of that, feeling alone in your thoughts, without anyone to confide in. I’m so sorry that you felt like you were to blame. I’ll listen to you, no matter what. Call, text, or shake me awake. I don’t care if it’s four in the morning and I have a swim competition in three hours. If you need me, I will always be there for you.”
Without warning, Matty pulled me into a hug so tight, my ribs compressed to make room for him pulling me even tighter into his embrace. The interior for the Ferrari was already very small, so there wasn’t much room for movement, but that didn’t deter him.
“Also,” Matty added in my ear. “Drew is a dead man.”
When we drew apart, his warm lips pressed gently against mine. It wasn’t hurried, nor was it sexual. It was reassurance that he found me attractive. That he wasn’t disgusted with me. That he still wanted me. That I was worthy of defending.
I didn’t know I needed that reassurance until I realized what he was giving me.
I needed to know I wasn’t broken.
I needed to see that I was worthy of love and affection.
Matty’s soft, gentle kiss told me all of that without a single word being spoken.
After several moments, I voiced my last bit of information, because I wasn’t finished.
“The reason I asked you to drive me to Las Vegas is because Mom revealed that Drew is the one who introduced her to Stefon.” The sudden alteration in Matty’s expression was alarming, but I didn’t understand it. “I want to confront him because I believe it was his intent to set them up. I don’t know if he knew they’d get married. From what you’ve indicated, Stefon wasn’t the marrying type.”
Matty ran a hand through his hair and cursed under his breath.
“Drew,” I continued, “stopped answering my texts and refused to answer my calls. That means he’s hiding something. I’ve come to get answers, one way or another. But…” I hesitated.
Maybe I wasn’t ready to confront Drew. Maybe I was the one who was scared. I knew that once I saw Drew, I’d be a mess afterwards. I’d be no help for Matty when he needed my help in retrieving the statue.
“But, what?” Matty asked carefully, as if I might drop additional bombs.
“Life and death are more important than unravelling this mystery. Let’s resolve the statue issue first. Then we’ll head over to The West Flamingo to extract answers from Drew.”
50
MATTHIAS
With dread filling my heart like a collection of river stones, Ciaran pretty much confirmed everything I’d feared.
Drew and Andy were the same person.
As we took the garage elevator to the street level, Ciaran’s shoulder brushed up against mine as black thoughts blitzed like bombs in my head.
I smiled at him like I didn’t have murderous thoughts swirling around my head and asked, “Are you sure you’re okay with going to Asshole Andy’s place first?”
Soft instrumental elevator music sounded from overhead.
“I mean…as long as that’s good for you,” Ciaran said in an apologetic tone, his face wary. “I just don’t think I can…”
“Face Drew yet?” It wasn’t me I was worried about. I planned to do serious damage to Andy no matter what. My concern was for Ciaran. It had to be devastating to learn you’d been duped by someone you trusted.
