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“Mmmm.”
Chapter Eleven
HARLOW
He does not stop at the door. Gertie is leaving when we arrive, and he takes full advantage of it, holding the door open, petting the dog, waving goodbye. She was half in love with him by the time she got into her town car.
I scowl at him on the ride up to the fourth floor.
He just whistles with his hands in his pockets like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
“Are you always like this?” I ask.
“Define ‘like this.’”
“Getting everything you want.”
“Yes.” He gives me an impish grin. It’s the face of someone who has always gotten his way. “But usually, what I want is the same as what everyone else wants so everyone wins. And sometimes it’s just luck.”
I huff out a short breath because as much as I say I want him to leave, there’s definitely a part of me that’s getting used to him being by my side. And that’s why it’s so dangerous that he’s around. If I start relying on him, I’ll be devastated when he leaves. I’m barely recovering from the loss of Grams. I don’t need to lose another love in my life.
Wait. Did I just mentally call him my love? I avert my face so he can’t see my expression. I’m doomed.
“Do you have a headache?”
His hand comes between my forehead and the side of the elevator. I hadn’t even realized I was lightly pounding my head against it. I sigh and straighten.
“No. Just had an unhappy thought bubble.”
“What was it? Let’s deal with it.”
Again with the support. How will I function on my own? I can’t rely on him more than I already have. I face him. “You have to leave. You can’t force yourself on me like this. If I say that I don’t want you around, you have to respect that.”
“Babe—“
”No babe,” I interrupt. “You don’t get to call me that. I’m not your babe, your love, your anything. We have a deal, and I don’t even know if I want to go through with it now. You need to leave me alone.”
The doors open, and I rush out, nearly running down the hall to my apartment. Hands shaking, I manage to open the door. I look back to see Calix standing at the elevator, one foot out of the car, holding the door back. He looks puzzled and, I don’t know, even hurt? Why would he be hurt?
I lay this all out to Ariel on the phone.
”Maybe because he wants to help. Like that’s his thing—being someone’s savior, and you’re not allowing it.”
“Right.” But that didn’t seem to ring true because he didn’t want to save Mindy, just me.
“Are you going to give him the boot?”
“How can I now? Gertie’s on my case, and now I’ve got Mindy, who is scary smart, also watching me. Even if I could find another man, it’s going to be so obvious.”
“You should have married a woman. I could have done it for you.”
I sit back in shock. “Oh, I’m so dumb. My heteronormativity has done me in.”
“Yup.”
“Do you think it’s too late to say I’ve had a bi awakening?”
“Yes.”
