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“Yeah, those dating apps can be messy,” Poppy replied. “I had one date from hell off one.”
“Thanks for that warning,” I muttered. “Regardless, I’m not really all that into dating right now anyway.”
“You know, I’ve been thinking about you putting yourself out there on those dating apps, and it doesn’t sit well with me. What if you were to meet someone through friends?” Everly questioned.
I looked up at her as if she were crazy. “Through friends? I don’t think so.”
“Yes,” Maya interjected. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
I could feel her wheels at work already. I sighed again. “Well, since I hang out with all of you every night, and we have a small circle of guys that join us, who would be the ones introducing me?”
“Duh, me, of course.” Maya shrugged, beating Everly to it.
I shook my head. “I’m good, really.”
“Oh come on. I was actually talking with Liam the other night, and we have someone who might just be perfect for you.”
I shook my head. “I doubt it. I know everyone you know.”
“Are you seriously telling me no right now?” Maya said, sitting forward, Everly and Poppy joining her.
“I am. I’m not interested.”
“How can you say that? You don’t even know who it is.”
Everly leaned in and whispered something to Maya, then she whispered back, and then they both turned and stared at me. Alarm bells were going off inside of me.
“Alright, well, tell me this, is he actually blind?”
Maya glanced at both Everly and Poppy before looking back to me. “No, why?”
“Well, I was thinking, if he was, then I could wear yoga pants, put my hair in a messy bun, with no makeup, and then and only then might I agree to go.” I shrugged.
“Hate to break it to you, but no, he isn’t blind. Just do this for me.”
I picked up my coffee and took a sip. Then shoved a piece of mango in my mouth, shaking my head. “Why? I already told you I’m fine, and I did the online dating thing for you. I don’t think I need to do more.”
“Well, I’m worried about you. We all are. We are all worried that you might just give up and be alone and miserable for the rest of your life.”
It was true. I’d thought about giving up. The accident, the aftermath, had been hell for me. It wasn’t just the accident, either. It was the fact that the guy I’d been seeing and hiding from my friends had broken it off with me shortly after that accident because I wasn’t fun to be around anymore.
“How about this?” I made eye contact with each of them. “How about, I’ll think about it?”
Maya clapped her hands together and began lightly bouncing on her chair with excitement. “Sounds good to me.”
To Maya, that automatically meant I’d said yes, which I hadn’t. I cleared my throat, placed my hand on her arm, catching her attention, and looked her directly in the eyes. “I said I’d think about it.”
I opened the door to my one-bedroom apartment and stepped inside, flipping the light on in the kitchen. I placed the bags that contained the few things I’d picked up from the store on the table, along with the bag of books I’d purchased. I grabbed my sweater off the back of the chair and quickly unpacked the bags and put the food away, before grabbing a can of soda from the fridge. I picked up the books and carried them into the living room. Leaving one on the table, I shoved the rest on my bookshelf and sat down.
The apartment was quiet, almost too quiet. I’d never noticed it before today. Flipping the TV on for background noise, I picked up the book I’d chosen and opened it up, reading the first page. I struggled to concentrate and finally shut the book and put it back on the table.
This had been happening too much. My mind wouldn’t shut off. I dropped my head back and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe I was totally unhappy here, I thought to myself. I wasn’t one to think of myself as miserable. I used to be the one to laugh, to cause others to laugh and to have fun with my friends, but as I looked back on this morning’s brunch, I realized I was only going through the motions.
Each laugh was forced, and I realized I’d only agreed to go to get Maya to stop asking me and because it was something we always did. I hadn’t said yes because I’d wanted to go; I was perfectly happy staying at home and alone.
I was literally going through the motions. I wasn’t living.
I let out a sigh and picked up my phone. I opened up my chat between Maya and I and started a new message.
