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I couldn’t imagine a single thing worse in this world than losing my children.
I have a new respect for what she went through.
I find an old stack of photos and flick through them. There is nothing apart from pictures of Cheyenne with her friends. My heart aches when I look at her smiling face. I had almost forgotten how beautiful she was, and no matter how hard I think, I can’t remember how her laugh sounded.
How is that possible?
You spend all this time with someone, hearing their laugh every day, but after you lose them, you just can’t remember it.
It’s soul crushing.
“Here are some diaries,” Serenity says, pulling a stack of old diaries out of a box. “They’re locked, but it won’t take much to get into them. Has anyone got a hair pin?”
Addison reaches into her thick, dark hair and pulls out a pin. She hands it to Serenity, and one by one, she unlocks the diaries, handing them to us. I take one and with a heavy heart, I open it. It’s dated quite early, before she would have been at school, so I put it aside. I’m not here to invade her privacy completely.
“Is there one closer to the date?” I ask Serenity.
She flicks through a few pages of another one, putting it aside, and then eventually she finds one that is around the date Cheyenne went to college. She hands it to me, and I begin reading. It takes about half the book for me to find an entry about a man Cheyenne met, but of course, she doesn’t name him. Still, it gives me some insight into who he is and what it was he was doing with her.
Dear Diary,
I met someone.
I can’t say his name because in all honesty, we shouldn’t be together. So many people would get into trouble if we were found out, but I can’t seem to stay away. He’s so charming and funny. He makes me laugh, and I can’t get enough of him. He treats me so well, in a way I’ve never been treated.
I wish we could be together in the open.
I wish the world could see him.
Love,
Cheyenne.
Exhaling, I keep reading.
Most entries are about how amazing their relationship is, until I stumble across one where things are starting to go wrong. Then, I dive into a world that I didn’t know existed for her. Cheyenne was so confident, so bubbly, I never thought she could be scared of someone but reading this, I can see she was indeed scared of him.
Dear Diary,
Things aren’t going the way I thought they would.
I don't understand why I thought being in this kind of secret relationship would be fun and exciting. At first, it was, but now I feel trapped. I can’t talk to anyone because if they found out, he would lose everything. His career, everything he has worked for. I told him I wanted to be together properly, but he told me that if I told anyone, I would regret it.
Something just feels wrong.
I told him we should end it, but he lost it.
I mean, he scared me.
He went crazy, he told me if I left him, he would kill me.
I’m sure he didn’t mean it, but there is something about the way he looks at me that makes me uneasy.
It’s like he’s obsessed.
I’m afraid.
I don’t know what to do.
