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“For fuck’s sake, Addison.” I lose my shit, slamming my fist down onto the table. “I said enough.”
She ignores me.
“No need for violence. I’ll go on. You’re having feelings for another man and it’s making you wonder if you might bat for the other ...”
“I’m fuckin’ lost,” I bellow, causing the people at the table behind us to stop talking and stare.
Addison’s face softens, and her lips tip up a little, because she knows she’s won. “I’m listening.”
“I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore. Ever since I gave up my club, I’ve been followin’ everyone else’s orders. I’ve been watching the club turn weak, and I don’t fuckin’ like it.”
“You didn’t have to be part of this club, Spike,” she points out.
“You think I don’t know that?”
“Well, there must have been a reason you decided to merge with Jackson’s club. Do you remember what that reason was?”
“Family,” I answer, without thought.
Her eyes soften even more. “Exactly, family. They are your family, and you don’t like how he is running things but that doesn’t give you the right to do what you want. Did you ever think about just talking to him?”
“He won’t hear what I have to say.”
“That’s not what I asked you. I asked if you have sat down and told him what’s going on.”
I growl.
“I didn’t think so. Jackson is trying to keep the club out of trouble, and you might not agree with that, but what you were doing caused more harm than good. There has to be a middle ground.”
“Are you done?”
She shakes her head, taking another shot. “Nope. As I was saying, there has to be a middle ground, the two of you need to figure out a way to make it work.”
“You don’t think I’ve fuckin’ tried that?”
“No, I don’t think you have. I think you took matters into your own hands and now you are here, alone, and wondering why your life isn’t working out.”
Now she’s just pissing me off.
“Shut the fuck up, Addison.”
Unbothered by my tone, she goes on. “Ciara would go to the ends of the earth for you, but you’re hurting her. I know you don’t mean to, even if you won’t admit it, but I also know if you keep going down this path you’ll lose her, and that will destroy you.”
Hearing that sends a crushing feeling through my chest.
I feel fucking horrible for what happened at the club that night, and for the things I said to her, but I’m not in the right place to try and make that better. Right now I don’t even know what fucking day it is.
“So,” she goes on, “we can talk it out here, or you can keep going the way you’re going, but I know you don’t want that, and I know the club doesn’t either.”
“Jackson basically stripped me of any title I had.”
“You and I both know he didn’t do that. He was making a point, and he has a right to do that considering you were going against him. Tell me, Spike, what would you do to a member if they behaved the way you did?”
“I get your point,” I mutter.
“Good, then if you want things to change in the club you need to do it the right way. Tell him what you’re feeling, you might be surprised.”
I narrow my eyes, taking another shot. “I’m a fuckin’ biker, not a child.”
