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“Come on. I’ll drive you back. I’ll sleep at the clubhouse.”
“Smoke.”
“Let’s go,” he clips and strolls toward the parking garage down the street.
I’m going to throw up.
I’ve really done it this time.
The truth hangs on the tip of my tongue. I watch him go, knowing that I’ll lose him either way, so why hurt myself any further with the truth?
Maybe it’s better this way.
His motorcycle roars to life, and he pulls up where I stand. Part of me wants to refuse the ride, but the part of me that wants to fight for what we have carries me forward and I cling to him for what I’m sure is our final ride.
Chapter Six
“I’m sorry.” My babydoll stares at me with tears streaming down her face, but if she doesn't see a future with me, then what are we even doing?
“We are who we are. I’m a man with a past you can't see beyond. I’m not going to apologize for the man I used to be.”
“Please don’t go to the clubhouse. Come inside. We can talk about this. We can fix this. Please, honey.” She tugs on my arm, digging her nails into my skin deep enough to draw blood.
“Let go.” I push her hands away. “Stop making a scene.”
“Then don’t leave.” She drops to her knees, wrapping her arms around my legs.
“Why?”
“You love me enough to want to marry me.”
I think about the ring in my pocket, but we both know if I asked right now, she’d say no or would agree only to keep me from going. “I do, but I also love you enough to let you go. Knew I never should have started with you, but I did. I let you in and tried, babe. Tried like hell to be a man worthy, but I can’t keep fighting for someone who doesn’t know what they want.”
“I want to be with you.”
“I’ll call you before I ride out.”
“Smoke.” Her voice and the tears in her eyes nearly break me in two.
I love her so much it’s killing me.
I lean down, pinching her chin, forcing her to meet my gaze. “Was good while it lasted. I’ll never forget the beauty of you.”
“Why are you talking like we won't work through this?”
“When you told me about your feelings for T-bird, I had faith enough in us to tell you to see if there was something there because I knew without a doubt I wanted to spend my life with you, but our timing isn’t now. Your brother was right. I’ve been pushing too hard for something you’re not ready for. Kills me to walk away, but I’ve gotta.” I pull her to her feet as her tears continue to fall. “Truth of it cuts me bone deep, but you’ve gotta experience life and I need to give you the room to do that. I can't keep you trapped like a caged bird.” I reference her latest addition to her tattoo. I press my lips to hers, my heart shattering into a million goddamned pieces.
“Wanted to give you the world,” I tell her as all the air in my lungs whooshes out. Pain rips through my chest, squeezing my heart so damn tight I’d swear I was about to fucking die. My pulse drums in my ears as I walk away from my babydoll, leaving her standing in the driveway.
I swing a leg over my Harley, unable to look at her one last time. When I ride out to Anarchy with Prez, I may not come back.
There’s been rumblings within the club that the reason Murder is attending this rally is because he’s meeting with Big Daddy to discuss patching us over to the Kings. I don’t know how much weight there is in the rumors, but I know there’s been a need for change for quite some time. I don’t normally stick my neck into the politics of how things operate, but this ride to California just may change that.
At the clubhouse, the place is practically shut down for the night. No one’s managing the bar. Only person around is that dumb fuck Jimmy. Seems we have something in common. Neither of us wants to be at that house tonight. One of us should be there and it sure as fuck isn’t going to be me. If I go back right now with the mood I’m in, I won’t be able to control myself.
Took every bit of pride and strength in me to walk away.
I can’t be in the same room with her right now. Never in my life have I felt like such a low piece of shit with the way she stared at me like I was beneath her when I told her about Holy and Hazel.
