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“I can see that,” I tell her honestly. It’s hard to deny the connection between us, no matter how complicated it might be.
Deciding on a late lunch, we find a small cafe tucked away in the busy mall. As we sit across from each other sipping on iced lattes and eating our club sandwiches, I find myself genuinely enjoying Helen’s company. She’s funny and kind-hearted, full of stories about Kyson, giving me more insight into who he really is. Not the jerk who does and says what he thinks will make him look cool.
There’s still a hurt little boy trapped inside him, who misses his father and wanting someone to truly love him.
I can relate to losing your father, unfortunately, and craving the love of a parent who doesn’t want you. My mother for me and John for Kyson.
My new phone vibrates with a text from Matt. He’s still angry about last night. I didn’t mean to worry him. It’s not my fault my phone was broken.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry, but is everything okay?” Helen’s gentle voice pulls me from my thoughts.
“Matt’s just worried about me,” I confide, setting the phone down on the table. “I didn’t call him last night because my phone was broken. He’s a bit upset.”
“You know,” Helen begins, her gaze softening, as though she’s thinking about her own experiences, “relationships can be tough, especially when you’re living in different places.”
“I know,” I reply, rubbing my temple. The headache that has been building since morning finally hits home.
Helen does her best to distract me from Matt with more stories of Kyson’s antics. Her recollections paint a picture of him that differs vastly from the brooding and mysterious guy I know now. It’s strange to imagine him as anything other than a trouble-making attention seeker who happens to be a great kisser. Listening to her talk about him coming to the hospital with her to volunteer at the children’s ward is as if a veil has been lifted and I’m seeing a whole new side to Kyson I never would have imagined existed. By the end of our meal, I feel like I’ve gotten a better glimpse at the type of guy he can be, yet I’m also left feeling more confused than ever about my feelings towards him.
After finishing with lunch, we separate for a bit. I need some new jeans, and Helen said she needed to get a few things. I pretended not to notice her going into Victoria’s Secret to shop lingerie.
My cheeks flush as I wonder what Kyson would like to find me wearing under my skirt the next time we’re alone.
Right on cue, Matt shoots me another text at an opportune moment to remind me that Kyson isn’t the guy I should be having such thoughts about. The lunch I consumed threatens to make a reappearance as guilt claws its way up my throat in the form of acid reflux.
Sorry about earlier. I just miss hearing your voice. Getting to kiss you anytime I want to. Are you free to talk tonight? I don’t want to fight with you. I love you and can’t wait until next year when we can be together all the time.
My heart sinks a little as I read his text, as more guilt washes over me, clinging to me. Weighing me down. Despite everything, Matt never fails to remind me that there are good guys out there and the sweetness of his text solidifies that he cares about me more than Kyson ever could. I quickly type out a reply.
Give me a call after dinner. I miss you.
Glancing up from my phone, I spot a Hot Topic. There’s some new tees in the window that catch my attention. Shaking off my residual guilt, I step forward to hunt for one to go with the jeans I just bought.
Eventually, Helen returns from her solo excursion with a sense of triumph and a Victoria’s Secret bag swinging casually from her arm. She doesn’t comment on her purchases, and I don’t ask her about them. The last thing I want to hear about is her new thongs or whatever it is she bought to entice Uncle John with. Their sex life is none of my business and I’d rather go on pretending I don’t know that they have one.
The afternoon passes in a blur of going to different shoe stores to find Helen some new work shoes. Despite having known her for years, today feels as though we’re really getting to know each other, and I hope we’ll have more days like this one.
On the way home my thoughts drift back to the boy I want to hate and can’t. I can’t help but wonder what he’s spent his day doing.
Has he been thinking about me?
About last night?
Will he tell anyone?
Will he use it against me?
Chapter Fifteen
Entering the house, automatically the energy in the air is off. I sense something is wrong and two point five seconds later my Uncle John shouts at Kyson about everything he’s doing wrong or not doing. I hear a few snide remarks about the football game. I guess he’s not happy with Kyson’s performance even though we won the game. Helen’s lips press into a tight line upon hearing the screaming match.
We exchange worried glances. Her eyes reflecting the same concern I felt as soon as I stepped into the foyer. The roaring anger of Uncle John is a thundering echo, filling the large entryway of the house with a tense energy that would send anyone running. “Every damn time you’ve got an excuse. It’s always something with you. Since the day your mother introduced you into my life, you’ve been a real pain in my ass. Nothing but a goddamned disappointment. Do you even want to get signed to a good school?”
A wave of sympathy washes over me as I hear Kyson apologize for being such a disappointment. For not being the son he wanted. I find myself taking sides immediately with an irrational urge to protect Kyson overwhelming me.
Helen stares at her shoes, jaw set tight, unshed tears brimming at the creases of her eyes as I set my shopping bags down in the entryway, wondering if I should try to intervene.
“I’m not sure why I bother. It’s like talking to a fucking wall,” my uncle’s voice booms so loudly I visibly jerk at the anger laced in his harsh tone.
