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Discomfort aside, I’m feeling oddly good today. I’m glad I chose to go with Sadie today to her family’s dinner. They were very nice people, but I think having me there as she broke the news made things easier for her.
And to see her at this table, laughing and conversing with my family, is doing things to me. It makes me want to bring her around more. She fits in so well.
But she’s being standoffish to me. So maybe I’m reading the signs wrong, and she’s not as comfortable here as she seems. Maybe she doesn’t like how intimate things are feeling with me. Sadie would rather keep things between us casual and noncommittal. I practically invented noncommittal. I should be fine with this.
But for some reason, I don’t like it.
Reaching over to her under the table, I try to take her hand, but she subtly evades my touch. I swallow down my disappointment.
Get your head on straight, Luke. What is wrong with you?
“Let’s all say something we’re thankful for,” my mother says from the head of the table. Most of us groan and Caleb shoots me an eye-rolling expression.
“I’ll go first,” Abby says brightly, kicking her feet in her chair next to Sage. The novelty of Dean has worn off, it seems, because she’s back to being glued to Sage’s side.
“Go ahead, peanut,” Briar says.
“I’m thankful for pumpkin pie.” She giggles before taking a bite of the pie in front of her. Dean wipes whipped cream on her nose, making her laugh hysterically.
“I’m thankful for pumpkin pie, too,” Sadie says from beside me. She’s grinning at Abby, and I feel something warm shoot down my spine. I wonder if she knows how good of a mother she’ll be.
She puts a hand on her stomach before adding, “Among other things.”
I glance at my sister-in-law, Briar, to gauge her reaction. After a long battle with infertility and deciding last year to stop trying, I’m sometimes worried that having two pregnant women at the table would be triggering for her. But she only smiles at Sadie and then reaches over to Sage and rubs her belly again.
Caleb wraps an arm around her back before kissing the side of her head. Something about the gesture makes me strangely jealous. For over a decade, I’ve watched my brother devote his life to this one woman, and never have I felt jealous or wanted that for myself.
In fact, there were times when I pitied him for the emotional roller coaster he seemed to be on in his marriage. From the outside, his love for her looked like a burden.
But now, seeing the way he connects with her, supports her, and touches her, I see it so differently. Maybe having Sadie live with me has gone to my head. These feelings are an illusion. I’m attached to Sadie because she has been in my space for so long now. Once I leave for England—hopefully—I’ll be able to think clearly.
“What about you, Luke?” my mom asks.
“I’m thankful for…” I feel Sadie’s eyes on me as she glances my way. “The opportunity to go to England in the fall. Even if I don’t make it into the program, I’m thankful I got the chance.”
No one reacts. In fact, everyone is just staring at me except for Sadie, who is now looking down at her empty plate.
Fuck, I’m an asshole.
I clear my throat to ease the tension. “Caleb, your turn.”
He lets out an exasperated sigh but jumps in to take some focus off me. I’m staring at Sadie, noticing the way her pouty mouth is set in a thin line, and her eyes look more moist than usual.
I don’t even hear what Caleb is saying when Sadie quietly excuses herself from the table.
Now everyone is really looking at me.
They just don’t understand. Sadie isn’t my girlfriend. We’re not in love, and she’s not having my baby. We’re just friends, so what was I supposed to say?
Without a word, I rise from the table and leave the dining room to find her. She’s not in the guest bathroom downstairs, so I creep up to the second floor in search of her, but she’s not up there either. I start to panic a bit until I peek into my father’s office and find her curled up in one of his large upholstered chairs, wiping tears from her eyes with a tissue.
I stop in the doorway, paralyzed with indecision.
“Go away, Luke,” she says coldly. “I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry,” I say as I walk into the room and close the door behind me.
“What are you sorry for?” she asks with a humorless laugh.
