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Then, the nurses just leave me alone with them, and it all feels too surreal. How can I suddenly be responsible for a baby?
“Hey,” a soft voice calls from the doorway. I spin around to see Isaac standing in the room.
The relief and emotion that washes over me in that moment practically brings me to my knees. I cross the room in a rush and pull him into my arms.
“I had to bribe a nurse to let me back here this late,” he mumbles against my shoulder.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I reply, my voice tight.
As we part, his eyes find my face and there’s something somber in them. “I couldn’t do it,” he confesses.
“Do what?” I ask.
“I couldn’t call them. I’m so sorry, Luke.”
The remorse on his face guts me. Grabbing him by the back of the neck, I haul him toward me and stare into his eyes. “I don’t care,” I say with a shake of my head. “I’m sorry I asked you to.”
“I’m not ready to be around them all yet. I don’t feel like part of the family anymore,” he stammers, tears in his eyes. “I wanted to do it for you, but I just…couldn’t.”
“Isaac, I don’t care.”
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.
“I’m thankful you’re here.”
“I never left,” he says. “I was afraid if I called one of them, then I’d freak out and leave, but I promised you I’d stay.”
“I’m glad you did. And you might be ready one day, and you might not. But that is up to you, and there’s no right answer, Isaac.”
He hugs me again, and we don’t say anything else. There’s nothing left to be said.
As we pull apart, he glances over at the bassinet, so I guide him toward it quietly and watch his expression change as he sees Henry lying there.
“Holy shit,” he whispers.
“I know, right?”
“That’s a baby,” Isaac mumbles.
“Pretty wild.”
“You guys have a kid.” He stares in awe for a while, but when I let out a yawn, he stands up and pats me on the shoulder. “You’re exhausted. Get some rest. And text me tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay,” I reply.
Silently, Isaac slips out of the room, and I collapse onto the stiff couch near the window. Rolling Henry toward me, I watch him for as long as I can. No matter how tired I am, my eyes don’t drift closed for even a second.
Five minutes later, he lets out a hungry-sounding cry. His eyes are still closed, but his mouth opens and closes as if he’s looking for something. I burst up from the couch and carefully lift him from the bassinet.
He stops crying for a moment as if my presence alone is enough to soothe him. Then I just hold him, staring down at his perfect little face. The first thing I notice is Sadie’s button nose. Everything else is too hard to determine yet, but that one small feature alone makes me smile.
I remember how I worried that my love for him would not come as naturally as I wanted, which now I realize was incredibly futile. Because I’ve never known love like this. I don’t need to give Henry my heart because he already has it. His presence alone is a miracle.
Did God have a hand in this moment? It feels like some higher power did. Not that I’m suddenly devout and ready to go back, but I feel closer to a small part of myself that I shut off decades ago. This faith I once had has been renewed.
Even if God doesn’t exist, Henry does. And that is just as powerful to me.
I always thought I was meant for something more in this life. I wanted to do something people would remember: a legacy to outlive me. I thought I was so smart and had it all figured out. But now I realize I was meant for this. I was meant to be his father and her husband. Because this feeling is the greatest thing that has ever existed.
