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“It’s nice that they worry.” Ethan looks me over, opens his mouth, and then closes it.
“What?” The question comes out sharper than I intended, but I’m starting to get a headache, and honestly, my heart hurts.
“I was going to ask if you wanted a big family, but then I thought that’s probably not a question you ask a friend on vacation.”
There’s hurt in his voice, not pettiness, despite how he worded his statement. I think back to the things I’ve said and try to understand what’s happening. Finally, I just ask him.
“Do you think I don’t have feelings for you? Do you think I would have given myself to anyone I met on this trip? Anyone I made friends with?” My voice rises with each question. If that is what he thinks of me, I need to get out of here. I start frantically looking for my bag.
“No, I don’t think you would do that. I know what we shared was special. It was everything to me.”
I’m pulling on the shorts I packed in my bag this morning when I thought I would be spending the whole night on the boat with Ethan. Past me thought this would end very differently.
“What are you doing?” he asks, coming to stand near me.
“I think I need to leave.”
“Why? N-no,” he stammers.
“I don’t understand what’s happening. One minute we can’t stop touching each other and you’re telling me that you find peace being in the same space as me and the next you’ve turned completely cold. I don’t deserve that.”
Ethan takes a deep breath and hangs his head. “I’m scared, Clara.” He raises his head to look me in the eyes. “I’ve never felt this way. I’m overthinking every word you say and every move you make. You called me your friend earlier and just now you said it was good to have me on vacation with you.”
“Ethan, I’m not trying to friend zone you. I wouldn’t have let you touch me like you have been if I wasn’t falling in love with you.” I freeze. I didn’t mean to admit that out loud, but it’s too late to take it back.
Ethan looks up at me with hope shining from his eyes and the pit that’s been growing in my stomach since he turned cold shrinks to almost nothing.
“Falling in love?” He takes a step closer with each word and wraps me in his arms.
I know there’s so much more that needs to be discussed, but being in his arms again feels so good.
“Yes.”
“Me too, angel.” His lips cover mine and we kiss. This kiss is once again different from any other that came before. I’m amazed that every kiss can feel unique. This gentle, emotion-filled kiss might be my favorite. I feel his passion and maybe even his love for me being poured through the kiss and I try to do the same for him.
He pulls away and puts his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry for acting like a jackass. I’m just crazy about you and it’s making me act crazy.”
“I’ll forgive you – once. I watched two of my brothers fall in love and they did some stupid things too. I guess it’s just what the male species does.” I shrug and laugh right before Ethan grabs me and throws me over his shoulder. He carries me back over to the couch and sits down with me in his lap. No more opposite sides of the couch for us.
We eat our dinner and start to pick a movie to watch. I remember there was something he wanted to talk about. I’m not sure if it was what we already settled, but I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings between us, so I just ask.
“Was there something else you wanted to talk about tonight before we start a movie? I’m probably going to fall asleep.”
Ethan coughs and his cheeks turn a little red. Now I want to know what he needs to talk about.
“Oh, yeah.” He pauses and turns to me so I’m straddling his waist. “We didn’t use any birth control earlier.”
Huh. It didn’t even enter my mind, which is ridiculous. I grew up in a household with five older brothers. The “no glove, no love” conversation happened many times when I could hear. Not that anyone knew I was listening, but come on – sex talk is cool when you're not supposed to be a part of it.
Ethan is watching my face very closely. Does he think I’m going to freak out?
“It’s okay. I trust you and I’m on birth control. I should have told you that when I told you I was a virgin.” He begins to shake his head, but I stop him. “Yes, I should have. You’ve been worried about this, I can tell by your face, and the whole time it wasn’t an issue. Scarlett, my brother Knox’s wife, made me start taking it before I went on this trip. Mostly to protect myself if something happened, but also in case I met someone and wanted to do what we did.” Now I’m the one blushing.
Knox would kill Scarlett if he knew she went to the doctor with me to get birth control, but she convinced me that it was just smart. I didn’t think I’d be having sex, so what was the point. She very wisely explained that things happen and if I wasn’t ready for the responsibility of a child, then I needed to protect myself. I love that woman.
“Do you feel better now?” I ask Ethan.
“I’m glad that we talked about it, but I was mostly worried about how you were going to feel.” His dimples come out when he smiles, and I melt. “The thought of having a baby doesn’t scare me. Like, if you hadn’t been on anything and we had a baby, I think I would have been happy about that.”
