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I didn’t want to open my eyes. I wanted to turn around and go back into the house and hold my girl, who was very much still alive, until I could convince myself that it had all been a near-death hallucination again.
But it was too late.
You couldn’t unknow something.
And I knew, before I even cracked my eyelids and focused on the massive rust-colored stain in the center of the floor, that my worst fucking nightmare had already come true.
I’d failed her.
I’d failed her, and I’d found her, and I hadn’t learned a fucking thing.
Because I still couldn’t walk away.
Being with me put a target on her back that I was too selfish to remove.
But the thing about targets was, the farther away they were, the harder they were to hit.
So, I would do what Kellen should have done a long time ago. I would get my girl out of the fucking country, put an ocean between us and Alexi, and start a new life as far away from the Bratva as fucking possible.
I would never be able to forget what I’d done.
But I’d spend the rest of my life making sure that Clo never had to remember.
CHAPTER 36
CLOVER
May you be in heaven half an hour
Before the Devil knows you’re dead.
“That was my grandfather’s favorite saying.” I walked up beside Damien and squeezed his arm as he stared at a faded, dust-covered plaque on the kitchen wall.
He was wearing Kellen’s clothes—black jeans, black shirt, black boots—and I had traded my damp sundress for Darby’s Trinity College jumper and a pair of black leggings. It was so strange to think that we might have been standing in this exact same spot over twenty years ago, wearing the exact same clothes on a different pair of bodies.
Damien’s energy was off. He didn’t respond when I touched him. Didn’t reply when I spoke. After the way he’d made love to me the night before—the emotional catharsis he’d had in my arms—I was so sure that I’d finally gotten through to him. That he was finally beginning to remember.
But when I’d woken up, he’d been gone. And evidently, so was his breakthrough.
“Actually, it was Darby’s grandfather, but you know what I meant. This was his house before he left it to her. It’s so weird; I don’t remember any of that happening. I just … know it.”
No response.
“Do you remember this plaque? You’ve been staring at it for a while.”
A single shake of his head.
“Did you sleep at all? When I woke up in the middle of the night, you were gone.”
Another shake.
“Damien.” I spun to face him. “That’s two nights in a row. Other than passing out on the train yesterday, you haven’t slept in over forty-eight hours.”
Finally returning my gaze with two bloodshot, hooded eyes, Damien simply replied, “And I’ll sleep on the train again, on our way to Shannon. You ready?”
“Ready?” My voice was shrill. “I already told you. I’m not leaving. Not until I find out what happened to them. To us. That’s why we’re here, Damien. Don’t you see that? The universe brought us here for a reason.”
“You brought us here,” Damien snapped, the force of his words causing him to sway on his unsteady feet. “And we’ve stayed long enough. I won’t lose you again, Clover.”
