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“It’s not you,” he says.
I raise an eyebrow. Is he really going with the it’s-not-you-it’s-me pile of crock?
I wait, knowing the type of man Gabriel is. He’s trying to find the correct words. Something I’ve learned about him over the past eight years.
“I saw your laptop,” he says, his eyes meet mine.
It’s my turn to look confused. He saw my laptop?
“I saw what was on your laptop when you fell asleep on the sofa,” he expands when he clearly sees a lack of understanding in my expression.
What was on my laptop?
The world closes in. Memories of the last thing I looked at before I put the movie on, flood my mind. Oh shit! Did I not close my browser? What the hell was Gabriel doing looking at my laptop?
“It was an accident. It was by your foot, and I was worried you’d kick it off. When I picked it up to close it, the screen opened.”
“Thank you for moving it,” I say, unsure what else to say.
This is not a conversation I want to have with my boss. What I do in my private life is none of his business, but then again, I rent his apartment. Maybe there’s a rule against children, or perhaps he doesn’t like children.
I pick up my plate and move towards the kitchen area, my appetite suddenly gone.
I sense Gabriel following.
“Leah,” he says. His tone causes me to stop.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say, Gabriel?”
I turn my face to his, my back against the kitchen unit. “What you saw was private.” I sigh. “I’m not sure what it has to do with you?”
He puts his plate down and runs a hand down his face, stopping at his mouth.
“I don’t either.” He sighs before adding. “I’ve been trying to work out what to say all week.”
He stands next to me, his back resting against the unit. We stay there in silence, staring out of the window. The silence is comforting as my brain tries to decide what to say next. I could walk away and tell him to mind his own business, but that’s not who I am.
“I’m thirty-four, and I’ve wanted a baby for years,” I stare at the floor in front of me. “But it was never the right time. A friend’s wedding, a fancy holiday, the apartment. There was always a reason to put it off.” I pause as my voice catches. “Now I’m single. It might be years before I meet someone who I feel comfortable bringing a child into the world with.” I shoot a glance at Gabriel, but he is staring straight ahead, listening. “The other night, my mum and dad sent me some pictures of them holding a friend’s grandchild. They looked so happy.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, hoping it will alleviate the pressure building behind my eyes. “I realised the end of my relationship with Vince also ended my dream of becoming a mum, and I can’t stop the pang of longing.”
Gabriel turns his head to look at me. I meet his gaze, unsure what I’m going to see there. I’m surprised when I see understanding. “It started me thinking, there are no guarantees.” I shrug. “No guarantees, I’m going to meet someone. That they will want a child. That I can even get pregnant.”
He nods before diverting his gaze.
“You’re going to try for a baby by yourself?” Gabriel asks.
“It’s one option. I’m worried if I wait for Prince Charming?—”
Gabriel scoffs at my words, and I shoulder bump him, making him chuckle, which surprises me.
He sinks his hands deep into his pockets.
“Look, I won’t be offended if you tell me it’s a problem. That you want me to find somewhere else to live if I go down this path,” I say quietly, not able to meet his gaze.
I watch Gabriel’s brows furrow as he removes his hands and crosses them over his chest.
“What about me?” he says, his eyes still not meeting mine.
“I don’t?—”
