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“Look at me,” he said, then touched her chin, scooping it between his thumb and index finger, guiding it upward. “So that’s part of it, the whole girlfriend thing.” He smiled. “But you don’t get to just fuck and run, not with me anyway.”
“Okay, I’m trying. Fucking and running is so much easier.”
“Probably true, but I like you more than just that.” The earnestness in his words soothed her nervous system.
“Um, me, too,” she whispered, lowering her head and brushing her lips against his shoulder, kissing slowly, then moving her mouth to his nipple, her mouth surrounding it, sucking softly, her tongue moving over the hard nub, delighting in the sound of the low moan escaping his throat. Then his hand was on her jaw, gently pushing her mouth away.
He exhaled a heavy breath, almost like a cough. “Bad girl, anything to avoid a real conversation, but I wasn’t done. I wanted to ask you about Matt. You’re close, so how did that develop?” he said, gulping in air.
“So, you didn’t like that.” She made a fake pouty face.
Shaking his head, he moved his eyes between her and his cock that had grown hard. “What do you think? Just not going to let you distract me again, or it will take five years for me to get to know you.” He squeezed her shoulder. “Tell me about you and Matt.”
“Um, what about us?”
“Your story. You said Matt was okay with you sharing about you two. So how did you meet, and how is he so…”
“Important?” rushed from her mouth. Just hearing Matt’s name let something in her release. She searched Jake’s face briefly, connecting his tone to his expression; the way he sat back casually gave her the sense that he was probing in earnest. He wants to know about the people important to you. Her dad flashed in her head, but she couldn’t pull on that memory or the wall would fall, and she wasn’t ready for that. She’d been the most open with Matt. He was her lockbox of secrets which went hand in hand with submerged pain.
“Yep. Important.” He hesitated. “I get it. He seems easygoing; I mean, don’t get any judgment vibe from him.”
“That’s a good description of Matt. I haven’t known anyone quite like him. Well, anyone in my life today,” she corrected, thinking about her dad.
She caught his nonplussed look, the way his eyebrows creased in.
“Didn’t you say I was easy last weekend?” he teased.
“Yes easy, easy to read, but it’s different.” She lifted her eyes to the ceiling, thinking about how to explain. “I mean, I’m fucking you, and not because you paid me to, so it feels a bit unsure…does that make sense?” she asked, flicking her eyes to his face.
“I suppose, but I don’t think it’s unsure; I’m trying to be very clear about what I want.” He offered her a smirk, but she heard the filtering of hurt in his voice. “So let me hear the story about you two.”
“Well, he hired me to be his date for a weekend when his family came to London for some royal events. He didn’t want them to know he was gay and needed a date. The thing is, I didn’t know he was gay, either. He paid for a whole weekend with me, so I assumed he wanted everything. I rarely, almost never, was with clients for more than eye candy that I didn’t know. The agency checked Matt out, and I’d talked to him on the phone and instantly liked him. I remember that I was actually excited about the weekend.” She heard a gulping sound from him, like he was swallowing something too big for his throat. She took a deep breath. “Jake, we really don’t have to go into this now. Are you sure you want me to keep going?”
His fingers rotated in small circles on her shoulder. “Yup, please,” he replied, clenching his jaw, clearly fighting back anxiousness. Hearing Rakell talk about herself and Matt, someone Jake knew and liked, made what she had been so real.
She told him about their first meeting, the formal events they’d attended, evolving into the family vacations she’d escorted him on, and the big event in DC—how she thought they’d be together that night, but it never happened; he hadn’t touched her. Instead, Matt told her he was gay, and they made a pact to be brother and sister. Matt’s dad wanted them to get married, and he’d also suggested that Rakell work at Matt’s consulting firm in Texas. Matt gave her an offer that she couldn’t refuse. He wanted her to pursue her dream of acting.
“So, Matt, I, well, I kind of fell in love with him.” Her voice hitched as if weighing the pros and cons of sharing the thought that hung in her head. Finally, she said, “I was actually frustrated that he’d never touched me. I mean, he was so tender to me, so loving, but nothing sexual.” Her eyes dropped to Jake. “He’s my best friend,” she added, her voice trailing off as she felt Jake’s hand squeeze her shoulder.
She noticed the chords on his neck flinch. She couldn’t tell if he was trying to process what she’d said about Matt or if the uneasy edge she sensed came from judgment. Or could it just be jealousy?
“Jake?”
“Just thinking how special what you have with Matt is.” His gaze flitted past her like he was scrambling for his next words. “I guess I have that with my sisters and Delilah…it’s a sort of intimacy without doubt, so you just take that person’s advice or feedback at face value, and you don’t question their motives.”
“Yes, yes, that’s exactly it,” she said.
He sucked in air, as if readying himself for his next words. “So you’ve never fallen for anyone else, I mean none of the other…”
“No, it’s easy not to. There’s a certain distance when dealing with billionaire clients. When someone grows up never doing normal everyday stuff like grocery shopping, pumping gas, making travel arrangements, paying bills…the things most people do, there’s a detachment from the way most people live and from people’s feelings. It’s like they have no concept of how you can hurt someone else with your actions or words. That’s what I saw, and I quickly learned to mirror that to protect myself.”
“Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Um, is it because they're jerks? I mean—” he asked in a dispassionate way. It wasn’t lost on her that he was speaking cautiously, as if steering slowly, so he would come across as calm. She was beginning to understand how much it meant to him that she shared this part of her life, allowing him to tiptoe into her past.
“Sometimes, but in general, I was wined, dined, showered with gifts, flown all over the world, basically paraded around like some kind of porcelain doll, then released. So, in a sense, I was truly acting.” Her voice was unemotional as she went on: “Other girls would fall in love or just fantasize about marrying a client. I never did; I never wanted that. I knew I was in it for the money and moving on. That life, with all its trappings, didn’t fool me. I really don’t think a half-a-million-dollar necklace is a reason to fall in love.”
“No, no, it’s not,” he said, smiling down at her as she looked up at him, “but a super sweet, caring guy who has a pretty good job, rocks in bed, is humble, and has a great family, may be a reason to fall in love.”
Rolling her eyes, she asked, “Humble? Know anybody like that? Introduce me,” she teased, smiling.
