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Silence. Then Will's wry grin took me by surprise. He touched my waist — a light touch. “Do you have any idea how much I envy you sometimes, Andie?”
“I’m not switching places with you.”
“I know. That's why I envy you.”
Abruptly he stood up and stretched, working out stiffness. I stared. I couldn't help it. Every muscle and plane in his bare body was perfectly balanced. If he'd bent down for a kiss right now, cupped my breasts, taken my nipple in his mouth, I would have dissolved under his touch. I would have begged him helplessly to take me again.
Will's green gaze was on me now, unsettling. I flushed and slipped my nightshirt on.
“Just put your clothes on,” I said awkwardly. “I’ll walk you out.”
He shook his head, but he shrugged on his snowy white shirt, stepped into his briefs, tugged on his sharply creased slacks and buckled his belt with a clink that made me shudder. His tie got knotted at a speed that could only come from doing it hundreds of times.
“You really mean it, cousin.”
“You don't believe me.”
He flashed me that dazzling white grin, the one that charmed everybody, and opened my bedroom door. “We'll see. I don't believe this is the last time for us.”
It wasn’t. Of course it wasn’t. I pushed the thought down as we walked into the narrow hall.
“Don't give me the smile.”
He let out a brief laugh, genuine this time. “Okay, I won’t. Can I kiss you goodbye?”
“No.”
“Hug you?”
Oh God. I wanted to feel his solid arms around me so badly. “No,” I whispered.
His face fell. “Andie—“
“Just go. We’re not going to never talk again. I just need—“ I looked around the tiny apartment. Will's eyes followed mine.
“…Space,” he finished.
I nodded. He stared at me for a long minute like he really didn't believe me — confused, incredulous. If he’d stayed any longer, I would have caved for him, taken everything back and begged him to stay. But he turned and walked out the front door.
I watched it close behind him.
Chapter 15
It did get easier to concentrate at work. At least, once my body believed I’d be alone in bed, not just at night but on the weekends too. Once my back stopped arching, seeking my cousin’s touch every time I slipped a hand between my legs. And once the mossy green bra and panty set went into hibernation, hiding in the back of my underwear drawer.
I’d done the right thing. Whatever had happened between me and Will, no matter how many times I’d said yes, it was too crazy, too intense, too forbidden to continue. I hadn’t been kidding when I’d told Meg and Emily we were both insane.
But the marble chess set stayed on top of my dresser. Will’s thick blue robe came out of my closet once in a while, as the fall mornings got frostier. On weekends, when I drank coffee and read the newspaper in bed, and late at night, when I could hear raw whispers in the dark, I had to force myself not to pick up the phone.
* * *
The day after Christmas, I sprawled in flannel pjs on my mom’s ancient couch, playing chess against myself.
The couch’s busted springs creaked every time I made a move. My mom kept the heat down to save money and was reading a book in her puffy down jacket. Nearby, on the coffee table, sat stacks of work I’d brought home over the holidays.
“Did you SEE this year's Christmas letter from Rose?” my mom wanted to know. “Unbelievable. And Will's 22nd birthday party — total debauchery.”
“I saw, Mom.” I’d paged through the pictures. A blitz of champagne bubbles and glitter. Will looked like he was in a toothpaste commercial, and his tan looked like he'd done nothing but lie on white sand under a beaming sun for the past week. “The champagne was flowing.”
