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But what I really needed was her acceptance, to love me for who I was, not who she wanted me to be. I needed her to like me too, and that was something she couldn’t give, no matter how hard I tried.
“When I was still a little girl,” she whispered, “whenever I misbehaved or didn’t listen, my mama would resort to very harsh punishments.”
Her gaze drifted into the distance, lost in the shadows of her past.
I stayed silent, all ears, as it was the first time she had ever talked about her family.
“I used to struggle with bedwetting for a long time,” she confided, her voice quivering with vulnerability as memories flooded back. “And my mama’s solution was to make me wear diapers for years.”
“One night, she promised to take me to the park if I could stay dry. But when I woke up, my diaper was soaked. I felt so ashamed and sad that I hid it under my bed, pretending I hadn’t wet it. But the smell gave me away, and my mama found it hours later,” she paused, her voice breaking.
Uncertain about where this was going, I settled back into my seat.
“She came back screaming, calling me names,” she swallowed, her eyes filling with tears, “and shoved the diaper in my face.”
My hand flew to my mouth in shock.
My heart ached for the little girl she once was.
The memory painted lines of sorrow on her face as she looked into my eyes.
With a shaky voice, she continued. “She grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the shower.
Then, she stripped me naked and spanked my ass, saying she was going to burn my sex if I didn’t grow up and act my age. I was only seven at the time.”
The words seemed to choke her, and she struggled to maintain her composure.
“I remember the pain,” she whispered, her voice filled with anguish. “The humiliation… I can still feel it all these years later.”
Still in shock, I rose from my seat and enveloped her in a tight hug, sensing it was the only thing to do.
As her face dropped onto my neck, she clung to me tighter.
“I’m so sorry, Sofiya,” she said, her voice barely audible. “I never want you to feel the way I did. I never want to hurt you like that.”
My heart broke.
“I’m sorry too, Mama,” I said softly. “I promise I’ll try harder. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
She pulled away and held my face in her hands, her touch soft but filled with longing.
“Oh, Sofiya. You don’t have to try harder. You’re perfect just as you are. I love you so much.”
Tears glistened in her eyes as she pressed gentle kisses to my cheeks.
I grabbed her hands in mine.
“My perfect little daughter,” she smiled. “My little sweetheart.”
Chapter
Twenty-Five
“Stab the body and it heals but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime.”
? Mineko Iwasaki
Volk
