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“Thanks, Mom.”
“You two kids enjoy yourselves. I’m going to go find your father and have him spin me around this dance floor a few times. You two should take notes. We’ve still got it.” She winks and walks off. My laughter and even Courtney’s trails off with her.
“I love your family, baby.” Not as much as I love her, but they’ll be mine too soon enough, and I feel like she needs to know that I accept that.
“They’re great,” she agrees.
“Dance with me?”
“I thought we were already dancing.”
The song changes to a fast sexy beat. “We’re about to.” Taking the bouquet, I move us a few steps to place it on the table and pull her body into mine as I start to grind. She responds, just as she always does. Her body knows mine, and I fucking love it. She gifts me with a smile, one that I know is a true happy Courtney smile. I’ll do everything I can to make her smile like this every day for the rest of our lives.
A few more dances follow, where I not only get to grind on my girl, but there are just as many slow ones where I get to hold her. When the guests start to leave, we help clean up, and with Courtney’s bouquet in one hand, and her palm encased in my other, I lead her out to the SUV to take her home.
My home.
A home I hope to share with her one day soon.
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
Courtney
“I’m so tired,” I say as we head toward Merrick’s place. I am exhausted, but needing to display that is all a part of my plan. I’m not staying over tonight. It’s why I drove to his place. I’ve decided I need to cut ties. I promised him when this started that we would part ways, and I’m holding up my end of the bargain. However, my heart can’t take the wait, so it starts tonight. Hopefully, he lets me go without a fight, with me using the “I’m tired” excuse. If not, we’ll have the painful conversation of ending this.
My heart aches. I’ve never felt this kind of dread and pain in my life. That’s part of what tells me that what I feel for this man is the real deal. I can’t do anything without thinking of him or wanting to call him, and it has a fire burning inside my chest at the thought of walking away.
Merrick is a good man. He’s going to let me down easily, and even though he can’t see us being more, he showed me what it’s like to be cherished. I might not have him for a lifetime, but my memories, this feeling, they’re mine to hold on to forever.
“It was a beautiful wedding,” he says from his spot behind the wheel. His eyes are on the road, and in the dark car, with only the lights of the dash and the random passing light outside, I take him in. Memorize him for when I need to pull his features from memory.
“It really was. Thank you, Merrick. Tonight could have been dreadful for me, but you saved me.” My voice cracks at the end. I swallow back the lump in my throat and focus on keeping my breathing even. I can do this. I can let him go, just as I promised. It’s not his fault I fell in love with him. I know he cares for me, but that’s to be expected with all the time we’ve spent together.
Reaching over, he places his hand on my thigh. “I’m glad I was there for you.” He moves his hand over mine.
“You were. I’ll never forget it.” I’ll never forget his smiles. The way his arms wrap around me makes me feel safe. I’ll never forget how he wouldn’t stop until I understood that I’m worthy and that I can’t let people walk all over me. Merrick taught me how to stand up for myself and not shy away from asking for what I want.
With the exception of him. I’d give anything for him to be mine, but I won’t put that on his shoulders. I couldn’t stand the rejection. It’s a risk, one far too big for me to take. He’s had months to ask for more, and he hasn’t. Last weekend, when he made love to me, I was certain he was going to then, but the words never came.
I have to accept that this is the end of the road for us.
I’m quiet for the rest of the drive. My fingers are laced through his as my hand rests on top of his, not willing to lose this connection. I’ll hold on until the last moment when I have to let him go.
When we pull into the driveway, he turns off the ignition and climbs out of the car. I’m exhausted from staying up late and getting up at the ass crack of dawn today. I didn’t sleep much, knowing what tonight was going to bring.
My heart races and my hands tremble slightly as he pulls open my door. As soon as I’m on my feet, I wrap my arms around him, holding him with everything I’ve got. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop the tears from rolling. My body trembles from the pain of knowing what I’m about to do.
“Hey.” Merrick rubs my back while he holds me close, being the incredible man he is as he tries to comfort me. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
I open my mouth to speak, but I can’t do it. I can’t find the words. I want to tell him I’m in love with him. I want to tell him my heart is broken because he’s not going to be mine. I want to tell him I’m going to miss these hugs and his kisses. I’m going to miss his touch, and I’m certain I’ll crave only him every day for the rest of my life.
“Talk to me, Court. What’s going on?”
I have to do this.
Clearing my throat, I pull out of his hold and wipe my eyes. “I didn’t expect this, Merrick. I didn’t think I would feel like this when I had to let you go.”
