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Odai thrusts again, and fuck yes, this is what I want.
I take hold of him with my ankles and buck into every one of his slams. I’m close again, so wound up from that ring, the whole fucking feel of him like that, like this, and the little incubus bits he kept, like his fangs, glinting down at me.
“When you come…” I say, meeting his quickening pace, so I know he’s close too, “feed it to me while holding my head.”
Odai’s eyes flash purple and hold their glow, all the way until he pulls free of me, slides up my body, and shoots his load onto my tongue and lips, with his claws digging into my scalp.
Who’s boring now? I think, as I look at our reflections again while licking my lips clean. I’ve never tasted spunk like Odai’s before, simple and salty but also… spiced.
“Oh-ohhh!” I feel it before I see that Odai has moved down my body and is grazing his fangs up my shaft so slowly that I—I—!
He swallows me as I come, and I stutter up against his face like I’m convulsing. I think I am convulsing. He really must have sucked out some of my soul because I am spent. Like, curl up and sleep the morning away done. It is my day off. I’m allowed.
Odai’s grin, smile still fanged, even if his skin isn’t purple anymore, is… perfect. Right. This feels so right. I like the mirror, but looking at Odai, right here, climbing up my body again and blocking my view of us, is honestly better.
“Odai?”
“Yes, Jeffrey?”
“Can I wish for you to hold me?”
“Always, beautiful one.”
I like that he stays in something sort of between forms. No wings. No horns. Either would kind of get in the way of cuddling. But he turns purple again as if he knew I’d love it.
I do like seeing us in the mirror. Not only because we’re naked and sweaty and seriously hot looking, but because in Odai’s arms, I feel closer to some version of a better me. He doesn’t think I’m boring or wrong or incomplete. But that’s because, with him, I’m not. Even more than when I’m pretending to be Mattie.
I left the zip-up he bought me on a hanger on the doorhandle of my closet. I haven’t worn it yet, but I knew if I put it away, I’d just shove it into the back forever. Having to see it each morning reminds me that I owe Odai wearing it someday. I owe me. I just wish I had any ideas about how and what to wear it with that won’t make me feel wrong again.
“Jeffrey?”
“Yeah?”
Odai talks to me through our reflections, dragging his claws up and down the side of my hip. “I do not pry, as I told you, but because we are connected, I sense your turmoil.”
“You do?”
“You have desires you do not voice to me.”
I close my eyes. It’s easier to admit this without looking at myself. “Because I don’t know what they are. I don’t understand them. I don’t know what I want. I’m sorry.”
“Jeffrey,” he whispers softer, and I turn my head, opening my eyes again. Purple Odai is too beautiful to want me, but somehow, he does. “You do not need to be sorry. You feel… not enough like you in this body, is that it?”
“No. Not exactly?” I snuggle closer, so I’m looking more at the violet expanse of his chest than his eyes. “It’s not… body dysmorphia, thinking my body is the wrong one for me. I’m wrong. I’m just out of reach of being me, and I don’t know what me is. Which makes it worse, because how do I fix something when I can’t explain how it’s wrong?
“Sometimes, I feel beautiful like you call me. Sometimes, I believe it, and I love those moments. The rest of the time, I’m just… not the right me, but I don’t know why or what is, and every day I can’t figure out who that person should be, I feel like less of myself. I just wish it would click, you know, and I’d finally know why I feel wrong so much of the time.”
Odai’s arms around me hold a little tighter. “And I wish I could grant that for you, Jeffrey, but I am afraid it is something you must discover for yourself.”
I didn’t even realize I’d said wish.
I blink back the tears that hearing that brings to the surface because, yeah, that figures.
“It would be going against my nature to solve it for me, right? I get it.” It helps to have told him though, since…
Oh wow.
I’ve never told anyone that before.
