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“Did you hear our conversation?” I asked him.
He grimaced. “Yes.”
I swallowed then looked away. “Do you believe him?”
“I didn’t sense any dishonesty in his voice.”
I looked back up at him, at the swirling emotions warring within his dark eyes. “He said he went to retrieve the bomb to spare us.”
He grimly nodded. “I know.”
Now maybe Helian’s brothers wouldn’t hate him so much, though I wasn’t sure if it mattered. Even if they forgave him for turning his back on us earlier, that still didn’t mean I’d bond with him now.
I chewed my lower lip while processing all he’d said. He’d gone to get that ball of magic to spare his brothers, to save me. Maybe he hadn’t been lying when he’d said he loved me. “Shirina can make sure he’s telling the truth.”
“Tari, I believe him.” Finn shook his head. “He was hunted by Malvolia’s mages for five years after he defected to save us. He could’ve found sanctuary with Fachnan if he’d given us to him. It’s no stretch to believe he’d risk his life for us again.”
“Then why does Ash hate him?” I asked.
“He doesn’t hate him.” Finn set down the lantern and grasped my shoulders, searching my gaze. “Helian hurt you, Tari. Ash is just looking out for you.”
As much as I wanted to believe him, I sensed there was more to Ash’s anger toward his brother, a deeper resentment, perhaps jealousy. “There’s more to it than that.”
“Maybe he fears once Helian joins the pack, he will no longer be alpha, or...” Finn released my shoulders, looking away. “Maybe because he fears you love Helian more than us.”
I gasped, reaching for Finn. “I don’t.” I took his hand in mine, pulling him toward me. “Finn, look at me.” My heart faltered when he looked into my eyes and I saw the uncertainty reflecting back at me. “I don’t.”
“He’s always your first thought,” he said, rejection and depression resonating in his strained whisper.
As if I couldn’t have been brought lower this day, Finn’s words brought me to an even lower level of shame and depression, mostly because I knew he was right. I’d been too obsessed over Helian while taking Finn and Ash for granted. What a fool I’d been.
I grasped his elbow, pulling him closer. “Because you’re here with me, and Helian is not. I worry about him more because he isn’t part of our pack.” I rested a hand on his chest, feeling the wild pounding of his heart beneath. How could I have been so cruel? My shifter mates meant everything to me. “I’ve taken your loyalty for granted. I haven’t shown you how much I appreciate and love you. I do so much.” I traced my thumb across his pouty bottom lip and the tip of his sharp canine. “I love how you are with our girls. Seeing how patient and caring you are with them makes me love you even more.” Emotion tightened my throat. “I’m so sorry,” I rasped.
“Don’t be sorry.” His smile didn’t mask the sadness reflecting in his eyes. “I’m sorry I said anything.”
“I’m glad you did.” I tenderly cupped his cheek, feeling the rough stubble chafe my palm. “I want you to share your feelings, even when you’re angry with me.”
He pressed his hand against mine, a low, deep purr rising up from his chest. “I could never be angry with you.”
I hung my head in shame. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t say that.” He pulled me flush against his chest. “You’re my goddess, the mother of my children. You deserve the sun, and moon, and all the stars. I only wish I was wolf enough to give them to you.”
“All I want is your heart.” I leaned up and kissed the side of his mouth. “It’s worth more to me than any constellations.”
He put his hand on my womb, his mouth hitched in a slanted smile. “Whatever you decide with Helian, I will support you and love this baby just as I love the girls.”
“Oh, Finn!” I wrapped my arms around his neck and moaned as he captured my mouth in the sweetest of kisses, his love pouring into me and making magic swell my veins. I tightened my hold on him, my knees weakening as he deepened the kiss. I moaned into his mouth, tasting sweet wine and mint as his low growl rattled my chest. I coursed my fingers through his thick hair, and we were two flaming stars arcing toward the heavens.
And it was there, as I lost myself in Finn’s embrace, that every stolen memory came racing back like a floodgate had been opened. A cry tore from my lips, and I collapsed against him as I was hit with a deluge of memories.
Finn swept me into his embrace, calling to me, though he sounded so far away.
“Oh, elements!” I went limp in his arms. “I remember.”
My vision darkened, tunneling on a single pinprick of light, and I thought I heard the echo of footsteps and Finn calling for help, but I was too sick and dizzy to pay much attention as the dam of memories overflowed, threatening to drown me in a sea of sorrow and regret.
I saw the birth of my children, the clandestine meetings with Adrean while we plotted Fachnan’s demise, and then the night Thorin took my memories, and all the other nights that followed when the mind spinner tried to rape me.
