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“Life’s not fair.”
“I know that more than anyone, but you’re still telling me the truth, or I’ll get it out of you.”
Trying to make light, I joked. “You’d torture an injured man?”
She didn’t care. “Luke…”
I looked away for a second, battling my demons. I never told anyone who wasn’t my men shit, and now she was asking me to bare my deepest, darkest secrets as if it were nothing at all. This was the first time I understood why she still hadn’t told me her name. For whatever reason, it was personal to her, and it finally made sense.
“Some things were better left unsaid. It’s for your own good.”
“My own good went flying out the window when you had to take a bullet for me. Now start talking.”
“Fuck…”
I shut my eyes, wanting darkness to take over. With the shoot-out, putting her life in jeopardy, and taking a bullet for her—it was just too much to overcome.
It finally all caught up to me, taking me fucking under. The pills and booze no longer numbed me enough. Not even nearly enough. My heart started to race again just thinking about this hell I was living in.
“Luke…”
She slowly kneeled on the ground in front of me and grabbed my hand before looking deep into my eyes, stating, “You can trust me.”
After seeing the distress on her face and the sincerity in her tone, I had no choice but to be honest with her. I tried to explain everything I knew, which wasn’t much. Once I caught her up, she didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I thought I might have scared her off.
She stood to look down at me, and with a stern expression, she asked, “Why do you do this? Why do you live this life?”
“Duchess, I?—”
“No!” She stomped her foot with her fists at her sides. “You come from a good family. You have two parents who would literally die for you. Why would you want to hurt them by leading this life? What do you get out of it? You have more than enough money to live the life of a king. Why involve yourself in this bullshit if you don’t have to?”
Her questions fired at me as if they were the same bullets from earlier. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.
She was right.
There was no arguing with her.
“Do you have any idea how lucky you are?”
“I know.” I nodded.
“No, I don’t think you do. If you did, you wouldn’t be adamant about dying on this road.”
“Darlin’…”
“Don’t darlin’ me right now. Earlier, when I walked out of your office, I was so pissed at you.”
“I know.”
“Do you know what the first thing I thought of when I heard the chaos?” She shook her head again like the mere memory hurt her.
I knew she would never be able to get rid of the images. It was now a part of her, just as much as I was. That was the thing about death, it haunted you.
“I thought…” She paused, letting her words sink in. “We’re fighting, and I may never see you again.” Her honesty made me feel like a bigger piece of shit than I already did.
Her eyes started to water, and she struggled to keep her tears at bay. I hated that I was the reason she was going to cry. Especially since I knew this wasn’t in her nature.
Maybe she was going into shock.
