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I couldn’t.
This had to be wrong.
But if it was, why didn’t it feel wrong?
“Fitz, I—“ I didn’t have an excuse or a reason to stop, not really, not when my mind and heart were screaming at me to put the gas pedal to the floor. “What about…”
Was I really going to cite the crown? His parents? The country? At the moment, none of that seemed important. All that mattered was him and me, and how we’d landed at this place where the next step looked like the path I’d been searching for my whole life.
“I have to know, Michaela.” His eyes searched mine for consent to cross the boundary we’d kept for over a decade. “It’s worth the risk.”
The last of my willpower eroded into grains of worry, all swept aside by the waves of passion that overtook me as his lips at last captured mine. All logical thought vanished. My fingers locked into his shirt, keeping him close, not that I needed to, not while his arms pressed me against his body, thirsty for another full drink of my kiss. My heart went into an all-out gallop, thundering along, matching the rhythm of his need. Hands tunneled into my hair, Fitz deepened the kiss, eager and ready to accept all I was willing to give. Lightning flashed through my veins, the sensation of his lips on mine like nothing I’d ever felt before.
Was it our history? Our connection? The fire? Warmth of his touch against my chilled skin? What had unlocked this pathway to another world that I had never imagined? Chills ran over my skin and Fitz pulled away, breath rising and falling with his chest as he faced me.
But like all good fairytales, it had to end. Pain creased his brow. Muscles pulsated at his jaw as he gritted his teeth over and over. I knew what he was going to say even before he said it.
The story he’d told me, it was just that… a story. The truth was probably in there somewhere. No spirits, no superpowered rams, just an old-fashioned hostile takeover and a country named after the queen. With the passing years, they’d romanticized it to bring peace to any conscience that felt guilt for the blood spilled. Easier to dilute the ugly and give it a moral to show that love conquered all.
We couldn’t be so lucky. There was no path for us. No way for him to do what needed to be done, taking the throne in his father’s place, and still choose me to be his forever.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I understand.”
Fitz shook his head, but it barely registered. “It’s not fair.”
“No,” I agreed. “It’s not.” Forcing a smile into place, I tried to find courage. “But at least we still have each other, right?”
“Michaela…” Tears glistened in his eyes, enhanced by the dying light of the fire.
I cupped his cheek with my palm. “You’ll always have me, Fitz. I’ll always be your friend.” Needing space, I set my feet to the ground and started to stand. His hand took hold of my arm, anchoring me in place before I could leave.
“You don’t have to go.” Fitz tugged on my arm, urging me back to him. “I thought you could stay over, like the other night.”
I searched the room, seeking an excuse to pull away from the pain that waited in his arms. If I fled now, maybe I had a chance of forgetting how I’d felt only a moment ago. My gaze landed on a clock. Twenty minutes until midnight.
“But imagine if someone saw us.” I tried to appeal to his logical nature. “You made a promise, but you know how it would look if—“
His grip fell away, cutting me short. “You’re right. It’s selfish to put you at risk.”
It wasn’t a lie. If someone found us wrapped up in each other, even if it was innocent…
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I didn’t know how to navigate this new world, the one where I understood the rush in my veins was a product of something deep that connected me to him in a manner I’d never experienced before. How could I go back to living my life when I had something like this to compare it to?
“Tomorrow,” Fitz agreed with a nod. He twisted, setting his feet to the floor, but he made no move to stand. “Goodnight, Coco.”
That helped. Remembering I was Coco felt important. I’d fallen off track somehow, but he needed me to stay in my lane. Michaela was the one who’d kissed him, but Coco would always be his friend.
At least, that’s what I told myself as I stepped inside the secret passageway. Before I slipped fully through the doorway, I cast a final look toward Fitz.
He leaned forward, the dying light of the fire casting a red glow over his frame as he dropped his head to his chest and ran his fingers through his hair.
I couldn’t help but feel like I’d failed him.
Like somehow things could never be the same again.
Michaela
Iclosed the passage door behind me, not exhaling until I heard the click of the latch locking into place. With a quick glance at my watch, I drew in a sharp breath. I only had seven minutes before I was supposed to meet Bishop, but I still didn’t know where to go.
