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“I see.” Kabir turned to me. “I’ve been sent to fetch you to prepare for the choosing ceremony.” He turned enough to stare at Bishop. “I trust you know your way out?” As if extending a big fat we’re done here his way, Kabir pushed the door open wider.
Bishop tipped an invisible cap my direction. “A pleasure… Coco.” And he left as quietly as he’d entered.
I watched from Kabir’s side as Bishop disappeared around the corner. “That’s the prince’s cousin?”
“Harmless,” Kabir answered the question I hadn’t asked. “But also a well-known playboy. A fickle heart that’s never chosen anyone but himself.”
I frowned, not liking the answer. “Should I keep an eye on him?”
“No, milady.” I swore he chuckled at the thought. “That’s my job.” His gaze shifted to stare at where Bishop had disappeared. “But you should keep your distance.”
Fitz
I stared, positively incredulous. Gwen had gone mad. That was my only explanation for the way she was acting. Raving madness.
“This is looney. You can’t be serious.”
“It’s nothing of the sort,” Gwen defended her actions. “It’s efficient. This way, we won’t waste each other’s time.”
I turned away, raking my nails along my scalp. “We’re only a couple days in. It feels way too early to take a leap like this.”
Gwen refused to let me avoid her proposition and moved to intercept me. “I’ve known you for six years. We’ve been apart for the last two, but nothing about this feels premature.” Her face was pained with the years I hadn’t returned her longing. “It’s more like a culmination or a wind up. All roads have led to this moment.”
Her gloved hands found mine and laced our fingers, hers dainty and pleading in the way she tugged me closer. Butterflies bombarded my stomach like an invading army. Not fluttering and sweet, but aggressive and disconcerting, as if every alarm in my mind was trying to stop. To make the agitation worse, somewhere a camera was lining up for the perfect shot. No way would they miss a second of this.
Gwen moved into my immediate space, shifting my hands to her hips. I looked everywhere but her. She had to know I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t willing to do this, not this soon. But in that sense, she had a point. If the idea of kissing her put me in turmoil, how would I build a marriage with her?
Save Michaela, Gwen was one of my oldest friends. What would this do to our friendship? What was I giving up if I gave in?
“Leo,” her grip locked around the lapels of my coat, securing my focus on her, “this is the only way I’ll continue. If you’re not willing, then I’m leaving. Tonight.”
The air had turned so cold my cheeks burned with stinging pricks. At least with Gwen close, I warmed slightly. It left me wanting to turn into her, purely for the benefit of heat. She’d painted me into a corner. I hated manipulation in any form, but by the same coin, Gwen was my best chance at a decent marriage in the future because at least we had a friendship to fall back on. For her, this step she wanted to take was all she’d ever wanted, but for me, the feelings had never been there.
But there had to be a chance that she was right and crossing this bridge in our relationship would change my mind. The moonlight paled her face, but I focused on her eyes. Tingles erupted over my skin as she pulled closer still. Lips parted, she sought me out, and unsure of how else to proceed, I succumbed.
The last woman I’d kissed was Chantal. The one I thought I would marry. Chantal’s kisses had always been aggressive, sure, and determined. Just like in life, she knew what she wanted and knew how to get there. Gwen had never claimed any of those traits, and her kiss was as delicate as her weakest moments. Chill met heat as she drew closer. Lips pulled on mine, fervent in her need for me apparent in every stolen movement. Her palms eased over my shoulders, then wrapped around the back of my neck. With her height, she didn’t have to struggle and I didn’t have to bend, like we’d been made to fit in this place. Her urgency increased and her grip tightened, unwilling to let go. She was right, all roads had led to this moment, a culmination of what our friendship had become.
I pulled away from her, jaw clenched, breathing erratic, forehead against hers because she wouldn’t give me space beyond that. Her hot breath flashed over my skin, leaving droplets of dew in its wake.
“Leo.” She became breathless, seeking out my lips again. My heart clenched and twisted as the pain of realization sunk in. “That was amazing, wasn’t it? Like souls meeting for the first time.”
I didn’t have words. Confusion clouded my thoughts. Everything had changed with one kiss.
Her lips met mine again, but I couldn’t return it, not without effort.
“What’s wrong?”
I wanted to be anywhere else in the world. Anywhere but staring into her eyes knowing what I knew. She’d felt absolute bliss, fireworks and the full parade, and I felt… nothing.
I could have kissed the back of my hand like I did to practice when I was a teenager and I would have felt more than I did with her. But Gwen was my first choice. Or at least she had been. She was the one who made sense on paper. She checked the boxes. If I had to choose tomorrow, she would have been my future queen, but could I ignore what I knew now? Could I spend a lifetime with her and this reality?
“Leo, you’re scaring me. Say something.”
I couldn’t tell her, not until I understood it, but if I let on at all about my true feelings, she would leave.
My hand shifted from her dainty waist to dive into my pocket. “I wanted to give you something.” Once more the alarms blared in my mind, a warning that I was making a reckless decision. But that didn’t matter. I removed the charm and held it up in the moonlight. “They gave me one to give out early.”
Her eyes went glassy with tears, and guilt jabbed its dagger deeper into my heart.
