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“What future?” Tears rose up faster than the swelling rivers that threatened the homes of my country. I tried to cover my mouth again to hide the emotion, but it choked my throat like hands squeezing my neck. “There is no future without her, Mother.”
A sharp inhale of breath drew my gaze to the tent’s doorway in time to see Sadie make her exit. I clenched my hands to fists. This was my fault. I rubbed my thumb over the wire, hoping it would bring me solace. Instead, I only found familiar pain and regret. I’d created this mess in the first place and Michaela had paid the price.
As usual, Mother paid no attention to anyone but herself. “What of the throne?”
Didn’t she understand that it was the last of my worries? Couldn’t she see that the country was in shambles and the would-be king had suffered a loss like no one would ever understand?
I whipped around, eyes flashing with defiance. “Let him have it!“ I waved at Bishop to give my approval. “Turn him loose on any of those jackals you brought to the palace. I’m sure they’d make proper puppets for you to control.”
“What?” Bishop stepped forward, uttering the first words he’d voiced in days. “Are you mad, Leo?”
I wouldn’t buy his act any longer. Turning my wrath on him, I spoke with vengeance. “That’s what you want, isn’t? That’s why you came. Here to step in when I failed. Here to do what your father never could? The next king and ruler of Nolcovia.” I waved my hand in the air. “Take it. It’s yours.”
Shock and horror disfigured his face. “You think this is what I wanted?“ Muscles twitched in his jaw as he fought his own emotional response. “I did what I did to make you see your folly.”
“What on earth are you—“
”I know how much you love her, Leonidas!“ He took a step toward me. “I have always known how much you love her. When I heard she would be here, I nearly burst from my skin with happiness. Finally, my self-sacrificing cousin would find some joy in this burden he’d been born into,“ he laughed to himself as he shook his head, “but in the next breath, I knew with a surety that you would find a way to foul it up and rob yourself instead. Always falling on your own sword for king and country.”
His words wouldn’t gel and yet, I couldn’t find the lie.
He’d come for me?
“But you want the throne. You’ve been jealous of—“
“Jealous, always, but never wanting your position,” Bishop corrected me. “Would I love the recognition and fame of your status, of course. I’m a selfish disaster with avoidant attachment tendencies, at least according to my shrink, but I have no desire to spend my life serving like your family has. That would be a nightmare.”
My mind brought up the moment I’d caught them in the warehouse. As if it were evidence I could use against him, I spoke through the pain, needing his clarification. “But you’ve wanted her from the first moment you arrived.”
“And who wouldn’t?” Bishop shrugged. “Your Coco,” he stretched his jaw to the side, “she makes a man believe he can be better, and he can do more than he ever thought. Meeting her only cemented the idea that I had to be sure you would end up together. And without my pressure making you jealous, I knew you’d let her walk away.”
I wanted to believe him. Memories swirled in my mind, nearly overpowering my senses. “And now she’s…”
Bishop took a step forward as if to comfort me, but I pushed him back. Long strides drove me from the tent and back into the chaos of the city square. Buildings still lay in heaps, damage unpredictable and uneven as some were untouched and others demolished. Nods greeted me as I passed the crews. Emergency professionals had rushed from not only Nolcovia but from all over the world as well. For the first twenty-four hours, it felt like miracles were still possible. Children, mothers, families, they were all rescued from the wreckage, hurt but alive. But as time went on, rescue became more about recovering bodies instead of saving people.
“She’s right, you know. Your mother.” Sadie fell in step with me, eyes puffy from recent tears. A fact I tried to dismiss quickly. “You should at least rest. I haven’t seen you stop for two days. You’re ready to drop.”
“I’ll rest when the crisis has ended.” My cold words caused her steps to falter, uncharacteristic for the man who’d listened to her play piano in the castle for hours. But those days were behind me.
“A change of clothes, then?” She set her hand to my arm and urged me to stop. I faced her, eyes flashing with warning. I was the prince and I took commands from few. She squared her shoulders and faced me bravely. “You’re coated in mud and blood, Your Highness.” With a step, she stole some of the space between us. Fingers trailed over my wrist, too gentle and delicate for the nature of the world I’d landed in. “Let me take care of you, Leo. I’m worried.” Her touch skimmed my arm, tracing over what was once a white shirt, which had become tattered and torn, stained with red earth and charcoal from the fires I’d helped extinguish. Her touch lit up my senses as her fingers curved over my shoulder, headed for my neck. “Come back to the palace, just for an hour. Just to eat?”
A deep revolution seized my chest. I shook my head and reversed my steps until her hand fell away. “No! I refuse. I won’t give up! And for you to ask me to abandon my post is a breath away from treason, Lady Sadira.”
Her hands tangled together, instantly transforming her back to the timid creature who had once been too afraid to even meet my gaze. “I apologize, Your Highness. My concern overstepped my station.” She turned as if to leave but hesitated. “You’re not the only one in pain. There are others who want to grieve with you.” Her face twisted with emotion, but she stayed in control. “She was my friend, too.”
Guilt bled into my veins, calling for shame to put me in my place. Before I could stop her, Sadie rushed toward the emergency tent at the head of the square. Surely, someone could get her back to the palace. Christmas had come and gone without celebration. Perhaps they would find some way to seek joy, but my presence would only chase it away more.
Resolved, I continued my course, eyes set for the section of earth that had ended all chances for happiness.
I called Michaela’s mother yesterday morning. I spared her much of my torment and the memories that would plague me until I died. She didn’t need to carry them. That was my burden alone. Coco’s silent scream as she dropped out of sight. The horrible moment of realization when she knew she’d met her end.
I shook my head and pressed on. Denise Caldwell hadn’t accepted my plane tickets to bring her to Nolcovia.
“Fitz, I’m only going to say this once. I won’t come until you find proof. Anything before that feels like I’m giving up faith.”
“Denise, please. I can do this for you. You can—“
“I will be here, Your Highness. I will be praying.” Her words choked out for a moment. “Call me when you find my daughter.”
