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“Okay.” She faced me, confused.
My stomach clenched. I looked down at my feet, hating every part of this. “Tonight, I plan to let three more go. Dagny, Esmerey, and…” I forced myself to look up, “you.”
Her lips parted as the shock took hold. Emotion welled in her eyes. As if I were suddenly repulsive, she pulled her arm away from mine and bowed her head. “As you wish, Your Highness.”
This was the last thing I wanted, things formal between us. “It’s not like that, Coco. But I know what I want now and that’s because of you.”
Her head bobbed with a little nod as she looked away from me. “I understand.”
I glanced right, then left, cautiously checking for prying eyes and ears, but even with all the people around us, casual glances were all we’d earned. “I never meant to hurt you. I hope you know that.”
“Yep.” She pressed her lips together, but the tremble remained. “Mom will be happy to have me home.”
I wanted to ask if she would be happier there, or if she would miss Nolcovia, but I lacked the courage. Either answer had the power to break me. I had to be strong. I wanted to take her by the shoulders and confess how unfair this was, to find the one I loved, the one my soul belonged to, and then have to send her away, but the longer I kept her here, the more confused my mind became.
“One question.” Those bright-blue eyes locked on mine again, stealing my breath for a moment and erasing every other person in the square. “Do you regret it, Fitz?”
Once more, I couldn’t breathe. I searched her face, looking for the answer she needed. If only I could give it. She deserved peace and closure, and all I had left was heartache.
“Regret would be the wrong word.” Pain laced my heart. Admitting how I felt would only make it hurt more. “Having you here,” my throat tightened as emotion rose in my chest like a river that couldn’t be controlled, “is the greatest gift you could have ever given me. It’s been a dream having my best friend beside me.”
“Is that what I am, Fitz? Your best friend?”
Oh, to be able to decipher the meaning behind her expression. Hopeful, eager, curious, and yet warm and inviting. I wanted to sink into her, pull her close, never let her go. My fingers linked with hers, wishing I could tug her toward me but knowing we couldn’t afford it, not for appearance’s sake and not for the pain it would cause us having to let go again.
“You,” my voice trembled with all the passion I couldn’t relay, “are everything, Coco. Absolutely everything to me.”
Confessions sat perched on the end of my tongue. All I wanted. All that I wished could happen. Sadie was interesting and held my attention, beautiful and sweet while remaining strong and decisive in her own way. But Michaela…
Michaela made the world pale just by existing. Nothing could compare to her, and everything else came up short against what I felt for her. But I couldn’t give into the pull to deny the crown, not now when my father needed me the most. Maybe if things were different, maybe if I didn’t have—
I couldn’t even entertain the thoughts.
“That’s why I have to leave, isn’t it?” Her simple question broke my heart. I’d hoped to keep it from her, the depths of my feelings, and yet she saw it. Of course, she did. She forced a smile on her face, but it quivered like her muscles rebelled against her fake emotions. “It’s okay, Fitz. I understand.”
She started to pull away, but I tightened my grip on her hand. Curiosity billowed up in her eyes as she turned back to face me. “What is it?”
“Do you?” I wished I could finish the question. Do you love me like I love you? But knowing the answer would only make everything hurt more. If she didn’t, I might never recover. If she did, I would never forgive myself for walking away. I had to ask something else. “Do you regret it?”
Emotions flashed across her face in rapid succession. Surprise, fear, pain, and then the faintest most delicate smile edged at her perfect lips. Drawing closer, her arm wrapped around the back of my neck as her lips pressed against my cheek, giving me an answer without ever speaking a word. “Not a single day,” she whispered against my skin. “Not a single moment.”
I heard someone calling for me, but the world outside of us was nothing. My heart demanded I stay with her. That I tune it all out and become the man she needed me to be. But slowly, she slipped free of my grip.
“Goodbye, Fitz.”
Before I could call out to her, she vanished into the crowd. Leaving my whisper unheard.
“Goodbye, Coco. Michaela, my love.”
Michaela
The maypole went off without a hitch. Not only did Sadie choreograph a breathtaking display of dancing and color, she managed to involve every one of the children from the hospital who were strong enough to be involved. Even the ones who were in wheelchairs.
Fitz was probably right. She would make a great queen. She had a pulse on the country that I would never have. As Fitz joined the dance, turning on Sadie’s arm as they weaved between the other dancers, I could see it. They would fall in love.
Mission accomplished, wingman. You did it.
“I don’t see it,” Bishop whispered beside me. “I mean the dress is nice, but I think it’s yours, isn’t it?”
