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I should get ready for bed. I have rides in the morning and a full corral to ready for the day. Well after midnight, I don’t think I’ll get much sleep anyway. Nights like these, I think about staying up instead of staring at the ceiling wishing the morning would come. Unspent emotion and adrenaline still burns through my heart. I move to check the fridge for something to quell this feeling. I pour a glass of milk, but instead of drinking it, I find myself staring at it, lost in worries I thought I’d abandoned for good. I’m crazy to think Monroe will do as I ask. It’s more likely that he’ll sneak in and put a bullet in my brain while I’m sleeping. Mine… or someone else’s.
That drive to protect Rhett rushes back into my veins. I pour the milk down the sink, flip off the kitchen light, and grab the bag I brought with me. I stuff clothes in as fast as I can. I can either walk to the train station or maybe I’ll borrow a truck. I can’t stay here. As much as I want to, as attached as I’ve become, I need to get out before something happens to everyone here. I’ll tell them everything in a note. They’ll know what to expect and that way they won’t be caught off guard. But once I’m gone, the threat should follow me, not them. After all, it’s me they want. I’m the one who—
My thoughts hitch as a sob chokes in my throat. For months I’ve told myself it wasn’t true. I didn’t do it. It was a nightmare, and I ran from the nightmare. But hearing Monroe confirm it, I can’t hold back any longer. The weight of my transgression tumbles over my shoulders, dragging me to my knees. I cry tears that have waited to fall. I cry for my childhood, the memories, the man, and my sins that brought us here. My stomach aches from the turmoil unleashed by acknowledging it happened. The blood on my hands feels new, even if it’s in my mind. When I close my eyes, I see him there, prostrate in front of me, crimson seeping from his body, the world tilting and falling as I scream for him to get up. I tighten my fists in the memory, but my right hand still holds the gun. The reality of it crushes me.
Monroe was right.
I did it.
I’m the killer.
I zip the bag shut and toss it through my bedroom door into the living room. It falls with a thud as I start my search for paper to leave my note. Three solid knocks sound against the door. My heart picks up speed, dipping back into training that still sits too close to the surface, but I clench my fists and release them. Hitmen don’t knock. Frustrated cowboys do.
I cross the cabin floor without turning on any lights. The bedroom overhead fan casts enough of a glow to light my way. He won’t stay. This conversation has been a long time coming. I’ve hit the end of my line here at Sea Star Ranch.
I twist the knob and the door falls open. Rhett haunts the entry, face void of emotion, stoic and stone, the way the rest of the ranch perceives him. Strange since I’ve never thought of him that way. A few seconds pass as we stare. It’s hard to even say hi in the state we’re in. Hi, is for casual greetings and shooting the breeze around the table.
Evictions don’t start with hi.
“Can I come in?” The deep tenor of his voice clenches my heart. I reverse a step to open the door wide enough for him. His boots thud against the floor as he enters, but it’s the only sound between us for nearly a full minute.
I keep my eyes down, focused on the floor. I can’t look at him. Not when he reminds me of a hurt dog, and I know I’m the one who inflicted the pain in the first place.
He moves away from me, toward the couch, but he doesn’t take a seat. Maybe I should wait for him to talk or ask for permission to say something before I start spewing information, but I can’t. I have to explain what he saw before it gets any worse.
“There are things about me you don’t know, obviously. But I never intended for you to see that side of me. I put her away. I never planned to –” Emotions rise within me, still fresh. Using the heel of my hand, I push back the tears. “He threatened you. You and your family, everyone here at the ranch, and I couldn’t stop myself. I had to protect you. I had to do whatever it took to keep you safe. I told you my stepbrother was a soldier. He was special forces and highly decorated. And I was…” I don’t want to say it. I don’t want to color his version of me in his mind, but the truth has to come out. “…impressionable.
Anderson offered to teach me to fight. I don’t know why I said yes, it’s not like I was in danger, but I liked the idea of being able to protect myself. I’d been an only child my whole life and having brothers was new to me. I figured I’d learn to throw a punch and run away, but Anderson found me to be a quick study. By the time I was eighteen, I could take down someone twice my size. Charlene has a full team of protection, as you’ve seen, and Anderson used to have me run drills, sneak attacks to take them out. Something to give them real life training.”
I look to him, but his face remains inscrutable. I wish I knew which way he was leaning, or if he even believes me at all.
“That’s all this was tonight. I tapped into my training, and I fought back. I’ve never taken Monroe down in the past. I was channeling my brother. All that bravado, that’s him, not me.”
Rhett’s jaw shifts side to side as he mulls on my words. “You told him you lie.”
My stomach twists, having a clearer version of what he heard. “And I do, or I did. I was expected to be one person and when it didn’t work out, my life would fall apart. I learned to lie to fit in. At least until the end.” I consider taking a step toward him but think better of it. “But here, I don’t lie. I don’t always tell you the whole truth, but I don’t lie to you. I’m myself here, the person I haven’t been allowed to be for years.”
“What I saw, the things I heard—”
I cut him off before he has a chance to gel the thought. “I know, and I know it looked bad. I don’t think I ever would have tried if he hadn’t threatened you and everyone else. I might have gone with him, just to keep you safe.”
Rhett looks away, but his jaw tightens at the thought. I wish he’d give me some indication, some idea of what our future looks like or if we even have one at all.
“I’ll go if that’s what you want, but I want you to know what this time here has meant to me. What your family and this ranch,” my voice cracks as I look at him, “and you… have meant to me. I never should have run away from my problems, but being here, being with you, it’s like finding a home for the first time in years. I’m safe and cared for, I have people watching out for me and I can’t imagine—”
“You’ve said a lot.” Rhett’s interruption leaves me feeling like I’m teetering on a cliff. He moves around the table, coming closer than before. “Is it my turn yet?”
I nod, not trusting my voice with all the emotions coursing through me. With my next inhale, I brace myself for what comes next. A thousand possibilities open up before me. He could start screaming, accusing me of every nasty treachery imaginable, and there would be little I could say to defend my actions. He could demand I leave at once, never come back and forget I ever saw this place. It’s well within parameters for him to start tossing my clothes out the door into the darkness, tell me to start walking and not look back. There’s no end to the number of ways this could go sideways. And I likely deserve them all.
Instead, he does the unthinkable.
With six steps, he collapses the gap between us. His arms slip around my waist. Rhett’s lips capture mine. Passion warms the coldest parts of my heart as the shock wears off. I bend like a reed in a river, succumbing to the pressure of his arms to bring me closer. I don’t stop to ask why, or what’s happening, I only sink into the fact that it is. I never thought I would taste his kiss again, let alone drown in it, and my heart won’t stop shouting hallelujah in response.
His hair threads between my fingers as I wind my arms around him. We stumble back a step, colliding with the counter, but Rhett isn’t finished. What was once a tentative kiss on the beach has bloomed into a confident expression of his emotions. My lungs burn for oxygen, but quick gasps are all I’ll allow, too impatient to stay close to him. If his next words are to ask me to leave, then I plan to soak up his affection like a sponge between now and then.
Rhett pulls away, but not without a few stolen kisses, like aftershocks to the earthquake. “I don’t care,” he whispers against my cheek. “I don’t care who you were. I know who you are.” His lips move along my jaw toward my ear, driving my heartbeat into my throat. “I’d be a hypocrite to say anything else. Earlier tonight, that’s what I told you, and I meant it.” He pinches my chin gently, pulling me to face him again. “In life, circumstances force us to become someone else. But I can see you, and I know you, no matter what they call you or who you were. You’re Sunny to me, my Sunny. That’s all that matters.”
Two tears tumble from my eye, unable to keep it all in check. “I don’t deserve you.”
