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But I want to cherish this moment, sear it into my brain and relish every second of it.
“Gavin?” she whispers after a time.
I’m half awake, floating somewhere close to a dream.
“I don’t know what to do. Tonight… the people who I work for, that Evan works for, the Sinful. They betrayed us. Or maybe he betrayed me to them? I’m so confused.” I stay silent, listening to every clue in what she says.
“During the show, we made love, lost in the music. I wanted to tell you before. But…” She sniffs helplessly, a verbal shrug. “You are amazing. I can’t even begin to understand how any of this works. Because I still want him. And I still want Tell, even after he hid things from me. They both opened up my world to so many possibilities.
“Tell brings me so much joy, he makes me feel vibrant, he draws things out of me that I need to vent and listens, really listens. Evan showed me who I really am. What I’m capable of. He gave me a purpose and shares that purpose with me. I’m proud when I’m with him. And he is so much more than he thinks he is when he’s with me. Tell, too. The weight of his secrets just goes away. Just like your nightmares, my nightmares, whenever we’re together.”
Her voice is husky, hot tears streaming onto my arm under her. Every drop singes my skin, breaks my heart for her. “But none of that matters. My past, my old life found me out. Marco found me. He knows where I am. Which means none of us are safe.”
A sob trembles through her, subsides. I hear and feel her gather her resolve.
“You’re my fortress, Gavin. You make me… brave,” she mumbles.
I’m losing the battle with sleep, finally, and so is she.
“I promise. I’m going to do everything I can to make it right. For both of them. For you.”
Her voice is the last thing I hear before deep, dreamless sleep takes me. Darkness wraps around me for a long time, healing, cleansing darkness.
So different from the taint on my soul from the things I’ve done.
Sunlight on the mirror wakes me, reflecting from the living room. It’s at the wrong angle, later than I’m used to seeing it first thing. Lingering hints of cinnamon mingle as I yawn, stretching out. Her taste on my lips, her scent on my skin, on my sheets, distracts me until I reach out, finding her side of the bed empty.
“Lena?”
I rise gingerly, my side and leg still tender. The house is quiet.
Far too quiet. Normally, I’d assume she was at work.
But my gut tightens. Something’s off.
Too many of her things are gone.
And the last words she said to me last night echo through my head.
“I’m going to do everything I can to make it right.”
She’s gone.
Worry is layering up as I finally make it out of bed, shuffling to peek out the window. Her car is gone. Maybe she went to get breakfast.
Except my gut says differently.
31
EVAN
“This is Tyler, tell me something good!” The message plays for the tenth time. I hang up before the beep.
“Dammit!” I slam my cell down on the console.
I haven't slept.
Panic and obligation won’t let me.
