Page 86 of Forged By Shadows
Garrett will never see himself being worthy of affection, using his brazenness to keep people out, using excuses to push them away. But like Axel, I’ve realized that it’s all words. Time will prove that we won’t give up on him so easily. I mean, who else could take me dress shopping for another man, to a sex club with other men, to get an IUD fitted for other partners, and still look at me with those ‘please don’t discount me’ eyes? He’s his own worst enemy.
Passing through the courtyard, Garrett sharply turns left. Away from the frat house’s direction. Axel’s hand falls away, both him and Dax falling into step at our back. The other students move away, having taken their photos. The lighting isn’t paparazzi worthy as Garrett climbs the stone steps to a building I know all too well. The library. He produces a key from his pocket, unlocking the arched door and only once inside, permits me to slide down onto the floor.
“What are we doing here?” I ask while Axel grunts, “How did you get the key from Mrs. Russell?” Garrett declines to answer either of us. It’s pitch black inside, but he knows exactly where to go.
“This way.” He starts climbing the stairs and the three of us follow. By the third floor, my teeth are clamped together. Do you know what I really don’t want to do after a two hour ballet recital - climb a million stairs. My hand on the railing drags me higher until we reach the very top level, somewhere I’ve yet to explore.
The floor opens up beneath a domed skylight. Stars twinkle through clear glass, casting a soft, celestial light over a tiled floor. A sleek, modern telescope stands nearby, a wooden table littered in star maps. Shelves lined with books curve along the walls, their titles gleaming. Chandeliers hang like constellations, illuminating cozy reading nooks created with beanbags. The air is filled with the scent of aged paper. Plush sofas are too inviting to deny. I drop down into the cushions, my head thrown back and limbs limp.
“How have I never been up here before?” I breathe, in awe of the night’s sky. How many times have I walked the campus and been too wrapped up in my own thoughts to look up? How many times have I sat downstairs studying, believing my whole world consists of grades and frat house dynamics? Garrett drops down at my side, while Axel looks through the telescope and Dax paces, filled with nervous anxiety.
“Gare, I really think we should-”
“Not yet,” Garrett mumbles. His face is upturned, bathed in the light of a half moon. The sharp lines of his face, jaw and Adam's apple catch amongst his dark hair and eyes. Beautiful. Lifting a hand, he vaguely gestures for Dax to stand still. “You clearly know something, which clearly isn’t good and clearly is going to throw us another curveball.”
“Stop saying the word clearly.” I hear Dax’s eye roll. Garrett smirks.
“Give us a moment to be still. To bask in Avery’s success and each other’s presence. Then it can all be fucked up.”
Relenting, Dax walks over and lowers on my other side. His back is too straight to enjoy the stars, his hands fisted in his lap. I reach for him, half turning to drag him back into the cushions, my leg thrown over his thighs. My head slips onto his chest at an angle so that I can still star-gaze. After a beat, his arms find their way around me, his mouth resting on my head.
It must be eating him up inside, whatever he knows and doesn’t want to say. I stroke his abdomen through his shirt, willing time to stand still. To keep the drama and the secrets and the camera flashes and the unknown threats at bay. Garrett takes the silent invitation to spoon my back, his face in my nape.
“So…” I swallow hard. “I think I’m ready to pitch why I have the necessary trauma to be considered for my own skull tattoo. I need to have suffered and overcome, right?”
Garrett’s head lifts instantly. “You want to be a Shadowed Soul?”
Dax tenses beneath me as I nod. “I want to be someone to somebody. And…I’m scared that if I’m not in your gang, there’s a higher chance I lose you all.”
“That would never happen,” Axel drops onto his knees by my legs. His hands on my thighs are as steady and sure as his hazel eyes. “No matter what.” I bite my bottom lip. I hear what he’s saying but still, it sometimes feels like it’s them and me. Despite how far we’ve come and how much I trust them, there are always going to be these times when we’re disjointed and secrets are not being said.
Dax uses a finger under my chin to tilt my head up and meet his gaze. “I’m afraid Wyatt decides who to bring into our fold. It’s not something you apply for. His control, his choice.” The finality of those words hits harder than I expected. I can screw these guys, dote on them, fall for them, but I will always be on the outside. Never fully accepted.
Garrett’s arms tighten around my waist, his mouth at my ear. “You don’t want to be one of us, Little Swan. We’re fucked up.”
“So am I,” I whisper. I’m not going to argue. Curling into Dax’s chest, I let my eyelids lower. Nothing has changed, only the sinking feeling in my chest.
Axel lightly lifts my leg from Dax and starts to untie my slipper. “You’re too precious,” he murmurs. His fingers brush my ankles with such care, gently massaging my feet when he’s shed my compression sock. Then I’m being dressed, a pair of sweatpants tugged up my calves. My socks and sneakers eased on. “When we get home, I’ll give you an ice bath and massage out all of your kinks.”
Home. Shadowed Soul or not, I have a home.
Garrett chuckles against my back darkly. “Then I’ll fuck out all of your kinks.”
Dax doesn’t comment, although his deep exhale causes my head to lift higher. Looking up, I cup his cheek and bring his blue eyes down to mine.
“Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.” He doesn’t look convinced, his full lips pursed. I decide then, there’s no use holding this off any longer. It’s only hurting Dax. Torment dances between his brows, so I draw him down for a quick kiss and then push upright. Axel stays kneeling when I stand, both shuffling the sweatpants up and the tutu down. He digs around my bag and stands, easing a hoodie over my head without touching my high bun and make-up.
I could say a thousand things in that moment, beneath the stars. Staring into his hazel eyes. I’m in awe of all of them, but Axel hits differently. His body has been tainted, used. His mind has been warped into thinking he’s only good for one thing. I drift into his space, pressing my face against the steel firmness of his chest. His fingers trickle over my wrists, arms and shoulders. His touch dips into the hoodie’s neckline to brush over the arrow tattoo on my upper back, which he used to cream and massage. I shiver, but I’m not cold. I’m enveloped in his warmth.
Dax’s arm winds around my waist just in time, as I’m almost asleep on my feet. We leave our mini sanctuary, exiting the library and pausing for Garrett to lock up. Drifting down the steps, Dax tries to hurry me across the courtyard but it’s useless. My legs are wooden, a yawn pulling at my mouth. The night is pitch black now, the half-moon hiding behind cloud cover. There’s no one around, an eerie silence, which is why I flinch when a white SUV pulls up on the nearest road. Huxley dips his head through the open passenger window.
“Should you be driving?” I ask, thankful nonetheless. The drive is quick, much quicker than I would have been able to walk. I lean over Axel’s lap, my feet tucked against Garrett on the backseat. In the front, nervous energy filters around the cab. Not even the radio is on. We enter the garage and I hear it before I’ve even entered the house. Wyatt is yelling. Or screaming may be a better choice of word. Something crashes, most likely caused by a rogue fist or kick.
I stop mid-stride, throwing my head back and drawing a grunt from Huxley as I hit his bad shoulder.
“Shit,” I spin but he waves me off. Just like Dax, Huxley’s brow is low and jaw tense. My temper simmers. “So, is this it? We had to rush back because Wyatt can’t face his feelings like a big boy?”
“Come on. We need to talk.” Huxley moves past me, holding the door wide for the rest of us. Garrett has a similar stance to mine, shoulders sagged as if to say, ‘I had to do something awful to get that library key, and I didn’t even get a starlit blowjob for it.’
