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Sasha’s ears filled with water. She didn’t hear the rest. Stinging waves of emotion rolled through her. Were they positive feelings? Negative? She didn’t know. She only knew they made her heart race and her lungs search for oxygen. She couldn’t see anything but a blur.
Rafael said something and took the phone from her limp fingers. She heard Molly sounding breathless and excited.
Why don’t I feel that way? Why am I not happy?
“I think she’s in shock. I’ll have her call you later, Molly. Thank you.” Rafael sounded warm and sincere and almost as though he was speaking through laughter.
He was happy. She could hear it.
“Agápi mou?” He clicked off her phone and set it aside, then drew her from her chair. “There it is. We’ve done it.”
No, they hadn’t. She hadn’t.
“You’re shaking.” He hugged her, still sounding as though he was chuckling over her reaction.
“Anything could still go wrong,” she blurted, wedging her arms between them.
Not that she wanted anything to go wrong. No. Absolutely not. She wouldn’t wish Molly to go through a miscarriage or any sort of trauma.
The magnitude was hitting her, though, of exactly what she was asking from her friend. Why would Molly agree to this?
I don’t deserve it.
Rafael kept his arms around her as he studied her through hooded eyes.
She swallowed, realizing she was displaying all the wrong reactions.
“Everyone knows you’re not supposed to tell people until three months have gone past. I don’t want to b—” Become attached. “Believe it until I know it’s really going to happen.”
She brushed free of his arms and moved to the rail.
“I don’t want my parents to know. They can’t know,” she added, turning her head to impress that on him. “Humbolt will definitely start shoring up his position.” He still had control of the bulk of the estate. Portions were designated for her mother’s use for her lifetime, which was the excuse Humbolt used to muck with everything. “I wouldn’t put it past him to find Molly and harass her...” Expose everything. Endanger the baby.
“Once the b-baby arrives, the whole arrangement shifts,” she continued. “I’ll finally be able to oust him. I can’t risk him being forewarned.”
“Is that the only reason you’ve wanted a baby?” Rafael’s voice chilled with cynicism.
“No.” She flung around to face him, still dizzy.
If that was all she wanted, she could have revealed Libby years ago. She had thought about doing it thousands of times, but that baby—Molly’s little sister—was not a weapon. Sasha had always believed that the most loving, selfless, maternal thing she could do for Libby was to allow her to live outside the nest of deadly spiders she’d grown up in, but it was hitting her that she was about to bring a new baby into that.
What had she done?
And there was Rafael looking at her as though he didn’t recognize her.
“No.” Her voice was still strained, but she forced herself to pull it together. “But it is my money. My father intended it for me and my children. I refuse to let Humbolt keep his foot on my neck. You wouldn’t, in my shoes. Would you? You’d fight as dirty as you had to.”
“True.” His mouth was stern as he watched her through the screen of his lashes, looking impossibly handsome when he was like this—still and severe, freshly showered and his shirt open at the throat. “But financial gain wasn’t the first thing that leapt to mind when I heard we have a baby on the way.”
“I guess that makes you a better person than me, doesn’t it?” she said scathingly, before turning back to the rail and the view. She didn’t see anything but a blur, though. She only saw that the baby wasn’t fixing anything between them at all. How had she thought it could? How was she still making wrong decisions this late in the game?
No. It wasn’t a wrong decision. She wanted her baby. Rafael’s baby.
Oh, God. She buried her face in her hands, not sure she could handle how badly she wanted the baby Molly carried. If it failed to arrive...
“Alexandra.” His hands closed over her upper arms and his voice was gentler as he spoke behind her ear. “I refuse to have a fight when we’ve just received such happy news. You are happy, aren’t you? Because you’ve left it late to change your mind.”
“I am happy,” she insisted. She turned to face him, eyes hot with tears she was fighting not to allow to fall. “But I’m scared.” She was rarely this honest with him about her feelings, but they bubbled up out of her. “I’m scared it won’t work and we’ll be back to square one. I’m scared—” To be a mother.
